Zhǔ Omu Dheng's adventures through the galaxy and beyond

How the whole mess started

I'm awoken by a loud ringing.
Goddamn you person who invented the alarm clock!
I'm so tired from last night, so I decide to let myself sleep for a few more minutes... which was a bad idea as I wake up almost half an hour later and realise my mistake.

Never again will I trust myself with these kind of decisions.

God dammit Penelope!

I panic so I put on my suit backwards, of course.

"Fucking hell!", I yell at my pants as I jump around like a fool trying to get my legs in the right leg- holes.
My cat Maggie strokes my legs, which doesn't help.
I can't be late for this job interview too!

I quickly change my suit to how it's supposed to look.

"Now where did I put my car keys?".

I look around for a while and eventually I find them on the living- room table.
Why the hell did I put them there?

I must've been so drunk yesterday that I didn't even know which room I was in.

I put the keys in my back- pocket and head to the kitchen.
Coffee can fix this mess.
I put two slices of toast in the toaster and brew some coffee.
Waiting for the coffee to brew, I sit down by my table and read yesterdays newspaper.
Suddenly after reading for a while I look to the oven to see if the coffee is brewing and notice that the kettle is overflowing with coffee.
Shit!

It takes some time to react but after staring it for a while I jump up and remove the kettle from the oven and throw it in the sink.
Just when I thought everything couldn't go anymore shit!
Something is odd about the kettle, it has a dent in the side surrounded by melted metal and embers.
It seems that something shot a hole in it, but what the hell would that be?
Deciding that it's something I can't change, I serve myself a glass of orange juice instead.
Fuck you universe, I am going to this job- interview!
Opening my fridge to get condiments for my toast, I notice that my cheese is gone and has been replaced by a black hole that disappears the more I look at it.

I rub my eyes in hope that reality is melting because of my brain not being capable of processing the world around me due to lack of sleep.

"What the actual fuck?!", I whisper to myself.
I should've really have slept more, there's no way this actually is happening.
Instead of my missing cheese, I take some butter on my toast.

Looking over to the clock above my kitchen door, I notice that it's 7:36.

Oh crumpets. Shit. Cunt. Fuck.
There's only 24 minutes left until I'm supposed to have the interview and it takes about 15 minutes to get there.
If I don't get there in time, I might actually break someone's leg.

I feed Maggie then hurry up and put my coat on and run to my car.
Sitting down and attempting to start it, it doesn't work.
I try several more times but it still doesn't work, thankfully my neighbor Frank is out and seems to be about to go grocery shopping.

"Wait, wait!", I yell at him and run over to the other side of the street to greet Frank, "Are you about to go somewhere?".

"The supermarket, why?".

"I have to get to a job interview but my car won't start so I was wondering if you could drive me at least a small bit?".
"Sure thing", he says and makes a gesture for me to hop into the backseat before he jumps into the car, "Where is the job interview?".
"Fairly close to the supermarket, I'll just say stop when we get there".

"Alright", he says and starts the car.

I know he's lonely after his wife died so I want to find something to talk to him about so he knows he's not so alone but what do you talk to an 80 year old war veteran with scoliosis about?
"How's your new dog doing?", is the best I can come up with.
"He's doing fine, he's a very good and obedient lil' pup".
"Great".
Panic overflows me as I can't come up with anything else to say.
Frank mutters something about the traffic and after sitting quietly and trying to come up with a topic to discuss, we're finally at the "paper shaper, we've got paper for acres" factory- office.
"Here it is!", I yell at him, waving my arms to get his attention.

Frank stops immediately which doesn't please a lot of the other drivers.
As I walk into the paper factory, I'm followed by a trail of honks while trying to apologize profusely to them.