[ evanescence ]
1. to disappear gradually; to vanish; fade away.
❝want to stay longer, want to dream more❞
after the many cruel realities separating the once seven friends who were closer than brothers, one friend decides to go back and change it...
there were days when i'd think back, wishing i could go back to relive my happiest of moments. then i'd wake up to realize nothing had reverted back, i could feel my entire reality crash down before me all over again. today was like that.
i blamed myself for his death. i thought it was all my fault for not seeing the signs before, but now that some time has passed i've come to terms with his death. to a certain point, that is.
i didn't want to believe what was happening, so when i saw the signs, i looked the other way and continued to live in my fantasy.
that's how my day was today; repeating the same words over and over in the back of my brain.
"it's all my fault. i should have known."
after all, behind the masking smiles and closed doors was the monster of our past, to each their own. our own separate realities we all have to face one way or another.
each and every one of us, having to carry something heavy on our shoulders, and we go out into the world wearing that mask and keeping our real selves a secret.
but, to be fair, who doesn't have a secret or two?
some deadly, some saddening; secrets nonetheless. something we hide behind our façades, our masks. something keeping us distanced from others, even just a little.
thinking back, he always carried a mask too. maybe we all did.
but of course, i didn't notice. i never did.
i remember the exact day when it happened two years ago.
it was an early autumns day, the first day of the leaves turning their autumn colors as they slowly began to die and fall to the ground.
i always found this season to be one of the most beautiful time of the year. and i still get that nostalgic feeling when i think back to those days when all seven of us were still together, not a day goes by when i don't.
i remember that day clearly, all seven of us sitting by the water, joking around.
i remember asking taehyung what it would feel like to jump in the water, just as a joke.
It was only a joke.
"I miss them." — entry; one
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