Cigarettes and Ashes

• threē

• threē

          "how are you feeling today Naomi?" my aunt asks me her usual question, while serving me hot waffles. i have absolutely no appetite, but i take a bite out of it to be polite. it's definitely delicious, better than my mum's burnt one of course, but i still push it a little away from me, drinking the water in front of me.

       "okay." i say couple of minutes later.

       "you know you can always talk to us right?" she says, for the five hundredth time i think. i be polite and smile, nodding my head a little.

       "aren't you going to eat that?" Kian, my seven year old cousin, and the youngest boy in the family, asks me.

       "nope. you can have it if you want to." i tell him. he immediately pulls my plate in front of him and starts shovelling it down his mouth.

       my head aches a little from the alcohol last night, but i ignore it, getting up from the kitchen table, and heading back to my room. i don't go out a lot nowadays, not at all actually. the only places i've been to in the last couple of days were the graveyard and a grocery store to buy water. that was it.

       langdon finally stopped calling. i think this officially marked the end of our relationship, and surprisingly i feel nothing. it was probably just lust after all.

       i lie down in my bed, absolutely nothing to do, and suddenly i wish i had paid more attention to reading books rather than partying so much, because clearly the former one is of no use to me now.

       it's been a little more than two weeks since i've last gone to school, and i don't think i even want to return. my uncle obviously won't allow that, but they are all letting me be in peace for now. finals are in two months, guess i won't be giving them at all.

       i stay there lying still on my bed, and the next thing i know, i'm waking up to the sound of my phone ringing loud. langdon's probably started again.

       but when i look at the numbers on my phone without a name, i don't find any of the digits familiar. curious, i receive the call with a groggy hello.

       "well hello baby sister, how're you doing?" and my blood turns cold.

                –   •   –

       "what do you want?" i reply sharply, all the sleep and tiredness suddenly gone from my voice.

       "i'm just calling to know how you are doing," his voice suddenly small, "i heard about mom."

       i immediately shake with fury, "well then, where were you the last six years then? when were you asking for my wellbeing then?" i ask him, my voice loud and clear.

       "you have grown up, i see." he says with a sigh.

       "answer the question."

        "you know i was caught up with problems naom," he says, "i could make no time."

       i give out an angry chuckle, "for six fucking years? you were caught up for six fucking years and could make no time to call one fucking time, now what, you are calling me to offer condolences? to tell me how sorry you are? that you feel the pain too?" i ask him, my voice breaking in the middle, "well fuck you michael. fuck you. you left her and you left me and you have no fucking right to call me now, when my mom is dead. you aren't family anymore," i almost feel bad, but then think about the six years we struggled, without any support. he would've been of some use if he wasn't the addict he is today.

       "naomi you don't even kno—"

       "why don't you go back to snorting coke and lying unconscious at the side of the road, and i'll go back to mourning my mother who i loved dearly, and who i would never leave in a million years."

       i cut the line, and the phone falls off my hand and on my bed, with a gentle thud, and i suddenly can't stop shaking. how dare he. i hug my knees and put my head between them, and suddenly my head is aching and my body is aching and i can't sit still anymore.

       so i put on some clothes and get out of the house and start running. i'm not much of a runner, but i push myself harder and harder, to go faster and faster, until my kidneys hurt, until my throat is burning, and until my legs are shaking violently.

       and then, in the middle of nowhere, in a lonely street in orlando, my first hot tears since the incident start rushing down my cheek.

a.n : okay, this is embarrassing, and i don't even know if people are going to bother reading this, but i was going through this book and surprisingly, it wasn't as bad as i thought it was going to be, and i'm willing to give it another shot! lmao i hope you all enjoy this!