Days in a Life

The Slaughterhouse and The Counterfeiter

There were pigs squealing and meats hanging from the ceiling, and blood on the floors. Then, for added affect, Janet had hung fake creepy clowns and dead people dummies from the ceilings and, she had just started playing some creepy music about murder. She stepped back, beaming.

"How do you like it? This is where we make our bacon!" I could not say anything. I simply stared. "Juliet!" Janet pouted, "Do you like it?"

"I think we should sell it. I would prefer something a little more peaceful." I said, without taking my eyes off a particular clown dummy that was smiling in my direction. Janet sighed.

"Why don't you want to make bacon anymore? I thought this was what you wanted."

"Uh, this is a scary murder house! I don't want to kill pigs."

"But I just bought this place for you!"

"I'm sorry! I don't want to do this."

"Fine, we can sell it. You know, we can always make ice cream instead."

"Yeah, sure, ice cream is exactly like bacon." I said sarcastically.

"Oh my gosh!" Janet cried.

"What?"

"Bacon Ice Cream!"

"Oh my gosh."

"And Blood Ice Cream!"

"Nope."

"BACON ICE CREAM!" We sang together, jumping up and down in the middle of our pig slaughterhouse.

"We can be the new Ben and Jerry's!" I cried.

"We can be the Janet and Julieties!"

"Yeah, that's not going to work. Oo, how about the Floating Fudge company!"

"What!? What are we selling, poop?"

"Yeah, you're right, that's gross. Maybe we can call it...wait for it...All Flavor Ice Cream Company!"

"Perfect!"

"Alright, but first, we have to find a buyer for this company. That is not going to be easy."

"Oh, that will be much easier than you think." Janet said with a sneaky smile. She stalked off to that barn, and I followed her. She picked up the phone and started calling people.

"Sir, would you be interested in buying a barn full of pigs to make bacon?" She asked into the phone."No sir, I am not a vegetarian." "I'm so sorry, I didn't know." "Well, maybe you can just make an exception. Bacon is something everyone wants on their birthday." "Well, if you buy this company, you can change it. you can grow vegetables! You can stand up for a cause you beleive in, or you can sell it at an enourmous profit." "Wonderful! Come by and take a look!" 

"You sold it?" I exclaimed.

"Of course. I'm a kickass salesman." Janet smirked. Suddenly, a black car pulled up and a man in a white suit came out, squinted at the house, then started walking towards us.

"I'll take it!" The man in the white suit waved his hand at us.

"Great! Enjoy! Here's the lease!"

"Here's your money." The man tossed over a bundle of shady-looking cash. I grabbed it before Janet could catch it. I inspected each bill carefully.

"Can we have the real money, please? This is all fake." The man sighed and tossed over a second chunk of money. I caught it.

"Also fake. Sir, how many times do we have to do this? Do you actually have money for us?" As soon as I had said this, the man grabbed the lease from Janet and started running. Being a surprisingly fast runner, I overtook him easily, grabbed his jacket, and watched as it slid off his back. He stopped. I looked into the jacket and saw stacks of hundred dollar bills duct taped to the insides of his coat.

"Thank you!" I said cheerily.

Janet and I walked toward the limo, got in, and drove back to my apartment.