The Weirdest Story Ever Told [CRACK!]

*insert an awesome chapter name*

Fabulous cover made by luciferstempest DTYFS KOYIO NGSTUG

DISCLAIMER: Idk what the fuck this book is. This book is crack and I purely made it to amuse myself because I was as bored AF.

You might die laughing, you might choke on your own tears, you might end up in a coma from fabulousness-overload, you might become disturbed and randomly start screaming your eyes out of your skull, or you might simply be indifferent after reading this weird and crazy story. Idk and idc. I don't take any responsibility for if any of you die. It's your own fault, man, shouldn't have died.

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Rainbow glitters rained down from a fabulous pink sky as the sacred squiggles lived through their days in the magical world made out of cheese, the home world of the rainbow squiggles.

They lived happily at peace until the horrendous day when the straight lines attacked under command of the evil floating chicken head, Lord Kiip! - - - -

Lord Kiip was truly evil because he loved to eat the sacred squiggles. And he was a dick. But he was mostly evil because he was a dick. He had searched for the cheese world for many decades, and he had finally found them, so he took his army of straight lines - - - - with him to capture all squiggles so he could eat them later.

He took the squiggles, bribing them with oreo cookies and Netflix, and he stored them away in a gigantic water balloon that was floating around the galaxy somewhere and being all gassy and moist.

The squiggles were sad. They didn't liked being wet nor sealed away. They send out a prayer to the one creature they knew could help them and was capable of defeating the evil floating chicken head and set them free.

This magical hero went by the name of Bob. And Bob was a gay wizard. A fabulous one who really loved the color pink.

~~

A wind picked up and gently ruffled up some leg hair which fabulously swayed in the breeze. The movement was so fabulous that the birds fell out of the sky from fabulousness-overload when they saw the glorious leg hair.

The leg hair belonged to a guy who appeared to be in his end-twenties. The gay guy was skipping through a field of pretty flowers, a sparkling pink dress whirling around his hairy legs and some chest hair poking out at the top. A tiara sparkled on top of his head, reflecting the light in a fabulous way which was just fabulous.

He flipped his head because he could, pink hair whirling around his face and making the mooses go 'oooo'.

The guy was Bob and Bob was just minding his own business really. Which was being fabulous and just skipping around like the magical gay wizard he was.

That is until he reached the prayers of the sacred squiggles in distress. "BOB THE ALMIGHTY GAY SAVIOR WIZARS," the prayer started. Bob stopped skipping and listened. "LORD KIIP HAS CAPTURED US AND SEALED US AWAY IN A WATER BALLOON!! WE NEED YOUR HELP!!"

Bob stayed silent for a while, wondering if the sacred rainbow squiggles would say more, but they did not so Bob knew it was the end of the prayer.

"Lololol okie dokey," the Almighty Gay Wizard spoke.

His tiara and dress sparkled fabulously as he prepared to shoot off and save the squiggles from a terrible fate.

Bob farted. Very loudly. It was a loud and glorious and smelly fart which released a lot of carbon dioxide - touched with the ultimate fabulousness - into the world.

But it wasn't just any fart! No, no!

When Bob farted, rainbow-colored fire shot out of his tight butthole. The fire-fart shot Bob into space like a rainbow rocket which blinded all who gazed upon its fabulousness. Bob held one arm in front of himself, doing a Superman-pose as he shot through space - making fart noises out of his ass as he went - towards the floating water balloon of the galaxy where the squiggles were kept.

And where he would find Lord Kiip, his ultimate enemy and the one who kept on defeating him at scrabble.

Bob was feeling rather gassy on this particular day.

To be continued in the next part...