Son Of A Gun (Zarry AU)(sequel to The Mobsters Boyfriend)

Ch. 10 disturbing the peace.

Zayns P.O.V

I saw the look in his eyes and if I'm being honest that really made me even more upset. Not at myself but at the fact he literally expects bad news from me now a days.
We walk to the bedroom and I see James laying on our bed his thumb in his mouth and his blue blanket in his hand.

"Look before you say anything, I just want you to know that what I said earlier was not meant to come out." I just continue to look at my son when he says this.

" I'm really a fuck up you know that." I say quietly. Strangely when I said this all I could think about is when Harry was going to reprimand me for swearing while James was in the room.

"Zayn look, You and I are very strong people and we are going to have disagreements." The way  he said my name lately just made me feel like suck a fuck up.

"Please just dont tell me, what we are or what I am or what I am doing wrong...you dont have the answers to everything Harry." I say my head spinning from the drinks that were currently living in my body.

"Is that what you think I'm doing?"

He asked.

I just nod my head because I just looked at my son and saw how clueless as to what kind of life he was put into.

"We should have never gotten em." I say my head shaking before I finally look up at my husband.

It was dark do I wasn't able to see his face very well but I gazed and stared at him so much in the past I knew what type of facial expression he was making.

"D-don't say that."Harry says and I could tell he had nervous air in his throat.

"You know damn well. We weren't meant to be fathers." I say a bit louder.

"Speak for yourself Zayn." Harry say his voice sounded like he was unsure of his answer.

"No. Its true. that beautiful boy deserves a home and a mother and a father and a yard to play in." I choke out. I wasn't going to cry because so many of the people around me were crying today That I knew I had to be the one stereotypical man that kept his shot together.

"Go ahead Zayn. Tell me what else you regret?" Harry says as he flops on to the bed lightly. Being sure to not wake James up but enough to let me know he was tired of my words already.

"See, its things like that." I say turning to walk away. It was so useless to tell your feelings to someone who just saw them as the same ol same ol.

Because although I may have felt this way for a long time, I express it to him a different way each time because the feelings are getting stronger and stronger.

"Zayn, just stop and come here." Harry says grabbing me by my wrist but i just take my wrist out of his and turn around and sigh.

"Are we still in love?" I ask 

"Zayn, dont you think we should talk about this tomorrow when you sober up?" I just groan at his responsible hey look at it this way attitude.

"No. because then we wont be real about it and I wont have the guts to say what I have to say." I wrap my hand around his wrist and pull him to the living room it was dark except for the small lamp near the slider doors.

"Okay get it all out now and shut up about it later then." Harry says sitting on the couch his green eyes boring into mine.

for a moment I almost thought he was really curious but he shut his eyes and stopped looking at me so I assumed he was just annoyed with me.

"I love you allot and most of the time I never tell you when you're wrong because I feel like you know." I say sitting next to him. I tried hard to not let my alcohol drenched breath go into his face but I also wanted to be near him.

"Okay, and I tell you when you are wrong because never seem to learn from your mistakes." Harry replies. He is so much smarter than me.

"Well stop doing that because you're slowly becoming like a father and not a husband." I say touching his chin slightly so he'll look at me.

"If I stop we will fall apart."

"If you don't stop I-I- I dont think I-" My blood shot eyes look at my hands, almost as if they were trying to find the words to finish my sentence.

"You don't think you can be with me anymore?"

I shot my head up at his words. Almost in a way of saying yes, thank you thats what I was trying to say.

"Is it because of the sex...I really tried today, its not that I don-"

"Harry nononono. Sex is a huge part trust me but Its like 50 percent of the 200 percent we need to put into this relationship to make it work." I was trying to think of the way to tell him what happened tonight but the words wouldn't come out.

"Where were you tonight then?"

"I-I was with Josh and Niall at a pub." I whisper

"And why are you being so calm when you talk to me about our relationship. Normally your yelling and screaming at me." Harry questioned sniffling a little bit.

"Why are you crying?" I ask my heart beating hard but my body staying calm

"You cheated on me didn't you?"

" Look No- it wasn't like that....Its...okay I was this close." I say gesturing an example with my fingers.

"Fuck you Zayn."

I run my hand through my hair.

"I didn't cheat on you though...and do you want to know the reason...."

"I dont care you thought about ruining all that we have."

"NO!.....no. I thought about ruining everything my son has." I say pointing towards the room he was sound asleep in.

"So what we have is not important?" Harry asked his tears tearing me in half but I had no choice but to say these next words.

"W-we need to take a break."

"W-wait Zayn I, Look hey look at me please Baby look at me." Harry says trying to pull my face towards his so I'd look into his eyes.

But I couldn't look into his eyes. I'd give in and I know I just couldn't for his safety for my my sons safety.

BEEP BEEP.

I hear the horn of my ride outside and I realized I did what I had to do and now I have to leave before I change my mind.

"Zayn please...I'll change and we can be happy." He says as I get up from the couch my legs glued to the floor.

"Hey hey.....Hey!" He says as I start to walk away I felt him grab my arm hard but i just kept walking.

"You arent leaving me Zayn, please dont leave me." He cries out before I yank my arm out of his hand completely.

I push past the screen door and slam the door. Before looking into his green eyes and saying my last immediate words to him.

"Don't follow me."

I got into the black van and slammed the door shut quickly in hopes that Harry wouldn't have the chance of seeing who was inside. The driver presses his foot on the gas and we screech out and away from Annes house.

"Wow....Now that's love haha." Louis chuckles at me.

"I bet that was hard huh" he adds 

"Welcome back to the mob Zayn....we've missed you" Greg says...I just closed my eyes and prayed Louis would keep his end of the bargain.

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a/n: don't know how steady I will be updating. jUst doing it here and there.

But yeah no more cliff hanger