Family of 4

Chapter 6

       "Wake up, Tracee", my grandmother says. I sleepily fall out of my cousins bed, careful to avoid his snoring self sleeping on the floor. I tiptoed to the bathroom for obvious reasons.
           I came back and nudged my cousin awake. With a disgruntled groan he finally got up and decided to get dressed. Last night I spent the night at my grandparents house.
         After choking down Cream of Wheat and tying my shoes, everyone finally piled into the car. 9:06. I texted Conor to make sure he was ready to go. Ten minutes flew by as we drove to pick Conor up. Before long we were pulling up to his house, there were workers fixing stuff in the yard. He hopped into the car and started up a conversation with grandpa.
           I kinda zoned out for a while but eventually snapped back to the cruel reality of my nearly ended life when we pulled into the parking lot of church. I got out and took Conor's hand in mine. I've been going to this church since I was 6 weeks old. My least favorite part about the experience was walking into the church. It always makes me anxious and panicky. However, when Conor takes my hand and pulls me up the little walkway it's like I'm confident and able to do anything.
           We must've repeated "hi, how are you?" and "good, how are you?" enough times that I might as well just get it on a shirt.
        "Hey", Danny said with a wave as he tossed the basketball to my cousin. Danny is a guy I used to like, someone I used to trust and really care for. Unfortunately, he became a jerk in the 8th grade and decided to make it his mission to make my life a living hell.
       I just smiled and waved. If I gave him too much attention or he gave me too much, I'd end up doing exactly what I've always done. Take him back and fall all over again. Besides, I'm happy now, Ive got a life built with Conor. I can't just leave the father of my kid for someone like Danny.

       **************************
  After church, I gave Danny a quick hug and walked away to join Conor. He grabbed my hand and gently pulled me as we walked away. I glanced back at Danny for a slight moment, he caught my eye. I saw him hang his head and look regretful as I walked away, hand-in-hand with Conor.
         We got into the car and I turned up the radio as we spun out of the parking lot. The radio was set on my favorite satiation, 102.7. The image of Danny stuck in my head, was that his way of telling me he wishes things were different? He did apologize to me. I pushed the thought out of my head as Conor's hand grabbed mine.
     "You okay, baby?", he asked.
"Yah I'm fine", I say trying to get the thoughts of Danny out of my head.
"Are we still going shopping?", he mumbled as if he were concentrating on something.
"Yah if you want", I agreed.
Before long we pulled into the Walmart parking lot. After waiting for Conor to grab a cart, we walked to the baby section.
"What about this one? It's cute? It says 'Mommy thinks she's in charge isn't that cute'", he laughed.
"It's too big babe, she's not gonna come out the size of an 8 month old.", I added and went back to looking at the newborn socks.
"Fine!!!", he mocked and walked over towards me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and placed his head in the crook of my neck.
"What do you want?", I asked jokingly.
"Can't you just picture it?", he said as if he were dreaming.
"Picture what?", I asked as I put the socks back and looked at the onesies.
"Us. Her. You. Me. Our little family?", he mumbled crazily.
"Babe are you forgetting that were not even 16?", I added.
"That doesn't even matter to me. We got into this but we're taking responsibility! Just because of that you and I are more responsible than half of the adults with kids", he argued.
"That's not the point babe. My family is gonna kill us both!!", I stressed. I wasn't supposed to stress out or do multiple strenuous activities. I felt like a little kid on a crazy diet.
"Can't you just be happy with me for one moment?", he mumbled.
"I'm always happy with you!", I argued.
"Then start acting like it", he yelled as he pushed the cart towards the check out, threw the stuff on the conveyer belt, and paid the cashier. He didn't say a word as he through the bags in the back and slammed the car into reverse.
      The radio was shut off, which made the car ride home awkward and tense.
"I am happy with you", I said quieter and more sincere.
"I know", he sighed.
"Then why are you mad at me?", I asked.
"Because I'm stressed. I'm scared. And I lashed out.", he confessed.
"I'm scared and stressed too, babe", I cried.
"I know I'm sorry", he let out another sigh as he put his hand on the back of my neck. He pulled me in and gave me a kiss. A slow, soft, and yet so powerful kiss. The type of kiss that made your knees weak and your body want him more. Something in me ached for him. Then again, this type of kiss was the whole reason we were in this situation. I pulled away and got out of the car. Conor pouted for a second before grabbing the bags and taking them into the house.
            With dinner made and dishes cleaned, we went to bed. It was only 9 but it had been such an exhausting day. Plus, we had school in the morning. It wasn't long before we fell asleep.
       I drifted into a dream about Danny. A dream where I shared that same type of kiss with him instead of Conor. Danny grabbed my waist and spun me around, sweeping me off of my feet. He was so spontaneous, it made me wanna dance.
          I sat up sweaty and panting as I rubbed the last of the dream out of my eyes. What a nightmare. I hated nightmares like this. Nightmares that seem like good dreams but actually aren't. I looked over at Conor snoring away, I pulled the blankets back over me and shrank into the arms of my boyfriend.
         Someone please tell me I'm not freaking out. I'm not going insane, am I? Am I really falling for the same guy who's made me wanna die for the past 2 years? Why does god have such a sick sense of humor....