Fooled (Larry Stylinson) ✅

12. Thoughts

*Harry's Point of View*

You asked for it, you got it! Let's see what's on Hazza's mind.... and who he really is

"Oh my god, how far downtown are we going?" Louis asked me, whining a bit as he looked up at the subway sign to see that we were currently in the depths of Brooklyn.

I smiled at him. He looked so cute when he was pouting -- or when he was nervous or happy or angry. Any emotion looked good on him, really. If I was being honest with myself, I found Louis wildly attractive and insanely interesting. In fact, I thought he was one of the hottest men I had ever met--from that tussled chestnut hair to the angsty stubble to the bright blue eyes and chiseled jaw. Everything about him was just screaming my type.

But of course, I would never tell him that. That just didn't fit my bad boy, rockstar persona I was trying to convey. And more importantly, it certainly didn't make things easier for me, with my situation and all.

"Don't worry, Lou," I said with a smile. "You'll like it a promise." Louis and I were sitting next to each other on the blue plastic subway seats, and it was taking everything within me not to coil my arms around that cute little waist of his and cover him in love bites all over his collar bones.

No, I told myself. That will just have to wait.

"Alright, let's get off here," I said, jumping up and heading to the subway door. I had gotten off a stop early, which meant we had to walk a bit to get to the destination. But if we hadn't gotten off here, then Louis would have clearly known where we going -- since the stop name is the same as the place I was taking him to.

It was about 10pm now, and as we walked along the dark subway platform, the moon shone brightly down on Louis' dark hair and bright blue eyes. It was a full moon, like in one of those werewolf movies, and I bit my lip, trying to suppress the sexual tension I felt building up inside me.

I really wanted to hold Louis' hand. I wanted to walk down the street, showing him off to everyone in sight. Showing the world that I was with this adorable, loveable, overly nervous guy who I met at a bar one day when I kicked his drink off the god damn stage.

But I couldn't... and I wouldn't. It was just too complicated. I was too complicated, and I cursed myself internally for fucking everything up and making it so that I couldn't be with Louis -- at least not in the way I wanted to be. At least not yet.

"Okay, seriously, where are we going?" Louis asked, his squeaky voice getting higher as he looked at the dimly lit streets in both directions.

"Don't worry, Lou. I know it's dark, but where we're going there's a lot of lights," I said, putting emphasis on the word lights. Suddenly, as if on command, Louis' eyes lit up and he turned to me with a snarky smile.

"Are you serious, Harry?" he asked, sticking a finger into my chest. Fuck that was hot. "Coney Island?"

I pointed to the street which we were to go down and nodded. I could feel my hair getting messed up in the spring breeze. "Yeah," I replied, watching his face scrunch up in frustration as he tried to keep up with my fast pace. "Hope you're not afraid of heights!"

"I'm not," Louis said with a laugh. "Roller coasters actually one of the few things that relax me, believe it or not." I stopped walking for a second to look at him, to study his perfect little face. I traced the stubble on his chin with my eyes and tried not to smile as much on the outside as I was on the inside.

"The adrenaline rush calms you down?" I scoffed, with an exaggerated look of disbelief as we continued to walk. "You really are an anomaly, Louis." Through my peripheral vision, I was able to see him stick out his tongue at me.

I smirked, and we rounded the corner, the bright lights of the amusement park coming into full view. "Which one?" I asked him, pointing up at the multitude of towering roller coasters. Louis had absolutely insisted on paying for dinner even though I was the one who asked him out, so I was definitely going to pay for this.

Fuck.

The more I thought about it, the more it was starting to feel like a date. And the more guilty I felt. Because I couldn't promise Louis anything right now. I couldn't... I couldn't be what he wanted me to be. All I could really do was be here, right now, spending time with him.

And I just hoped that was enough.

"Okay. Let's do the one with the loop-de-loop," Louis said excitedly, pointing to the far side of the park where a large, white coaster stood in the distance. I nodded and began walking in that direction, towards the adjacent board walk, a warm feeling seeping inside me as I saw how happy he was.

"Alright, hopefully I don't puke up my chicken parm on the upside down part," I laughed. But for some reason, Louis didn't seem to find that funny--he looked upset even.

"You alright?" I asked softly. I could always tell when people were feeling a certain way. I didn't read books in school, but I could sure read body language and his was telling me he was all kinds of troubled.

"No, that's just a gross thing to imagine," he said with a small smile. I wasn't really all that convinced, but I didn't want to press him, so I changed the subject. "Alright, well. Do you want to get front row. Or middle?"

Louis looked at me like I had three heads when I said that. "What kind of monster are you? Second row always," Louis replied, rolling his eyes a bit. We both laughed, his high pitched voice complementing my deep one, and then we locked eyes.

Louis pushed his messy hair out of his face and looked up at me, longingly. He took a step closer. I resisted the urge to do the same.

"I'm.. having a lot of fun," he said softly. "Thank you for um, coming out with me." He looked like he wanted to say something more but didn't, and then chewed on his lip, anxiously, waiting for me to respond.

Perhaps I was taking this too far. Maybe it was just time to let go? But I couldn't... I promised Liam and I wouldn't do this. No.

"Thank you, Louis," I said slowly. "I quite enjoyed myself at dinner. Let's see how the roller coaster goes."

"But Harry...." Louis continued. He had taken another step closer and our faces were just inches apart now. "I... Sorry to be so forward. But I'm just wondering, was this a date? When we met at the bar, I seriously thought you were interested... but... you seemed like you weren't. And tonight again... I can't tell if you, well, find me attractive or even want to be with me in that way."

I looked down at him with raised eyebrows. I truly didn't know what to say... I hadn't really planned for this.

"I...." I began. But the words had escaped me. They weren't coming out. I was choking. I had held it together so long but now I was choking.

Fuck it.

"I do... find you attractive. And yeah, this was a date. Sorry if I seem distant or that I'm not into you. Trust me I am," I began, reaching out and softly touching Louis' arm.

"You are, but?" Louis asked, pushing out his bottom lip. He took a step back, his face darkening. "Harry, I've been played by more guys than a Playstation Mario Cart disc. There's always a 'but.' Are you leading me on? Are you with someone else? I like you... I really do. Obviously, I've been panicking this whole god damn time trying to impress you. You ignored me for like a week...and I still don't know your deal...please, just tell me the truth..."

And that's when I truly knew I was an asshole because I didn't answer him.

Instead, I kissed him.