Shadows System Stories

The monster in my head

"Mommy? Do monsters exist?"

"Oh sweetheart, only in our heads"

10 years later...

I sat in the dark of my room yet again, contemplating my own existence. Do i belong here? Is life even worth all this stress and pain? Am /I/ even worth this /life/?

Maggie stood next to me in our head as I was thinking. Used to, by this time of night, she would've taken over and slashed our arms to bloody pieces. 

She would have been on the border of suicide, screaming insults to all of us as she did it, laughing the whole time. 

"Stupid little girl, dumb alters, idiotic morons, they dont know anything"

So, consequently, nobody trusted her, liked her, or even talked to her most of the time, unless it was to talk her off the ledge.

 But instead,  She was clenching her teeth in an attempt to stop the self destructive urges that were currently bubbling up to the surface in our mind.

Meanwhile I was debating whether or not to sneak a knife into my room and allow those impulses to overtake us, setting us back months in our recovery. I was about to give in, jump up, and risk it when i heard Maggie speak through gritted teeth.

"Don't."

A simple word, spoken with clenched fist at her side. But from her, it meant so much. I Slowly moved to get comfortable in my bed again and waited for her to talk again.

"Don't. Just... Don't." Maggie said with a sigh at the end moving to sit down next to where I was inspace. I was surprised that she was physically this close to me, but I didn't question it much. She never was one to be in close proximity to others.

Nevertheless, she was there, still clenching and unclenching her hands into balls.

"We can do this Maggie. It's gonna be ok. Stay strong" I wanted to say, but i couldn't find my voice. So instead I reached over, and squeezed her shoulder in reassurance. She froze, looked down and started to cry. I thought I might have triggered some terrible, traumatizing memory for her. Then she whispered,

"Nobody here has ever done that before."

When she looked up, I could see a small smile through the tears. I realized, everbody here has always been scared of her, she must be starved for affection. I gave her a look of sorrow and then reached over and hugged her tight. She froze again, then anxiously moved her arms into place to return the hug.

"Mommy, are the monsters good or bad?"

"That depends on how you treat them"