Greedy // J.G.

the one where she loses herself

"stuck between wanting to feel something and wanting to feel nothing at all" - unknown

It wasnt easy being without Jack...I love him...love as in present tense as in I still do. I hate myself for thinking that he could have actually been the one for me and for letting my guard down so easily again.

This wasn't the first time I've been cheated on and honestly I dont think it'll be the last time. I dont wanna say ive gotten used to it but....ive gotten used to it.

It's starting to feel as if i have no control over anything in my my life.

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My date with Cody wasnt too bad. To be honest he was a little shy at first but later on in the date he started to open up more. Although I dont think he'll want another date with me....he was okay during the date..i however was a hot ass mess. I couldn't speak correctly, i picked at my food way to much, i didn't keep that good of eye contact (which to be fucking honest blows my mind because I always maintain good eye contact), also when i did speak a bishh would not stop talking about nonsense.

He didn't tell me any of this I just realized it after he dropped me off at my place which then resulted in me eating and crying my feelings away while alyssa was on the phone telling me it was all going to be okay with time. I thought about what she said and i asked myself if time is what me and Jack needed...we did move the relationship fast, everything about our relationship seemed doomed from the beginning, we hardly even knew each other when he asked me to go on tour with him. But it also got me thinking that time doesnt really matter anymore. You could know someone for 8 years and they could have horrible intentions about you and you can know someone for 3 months who thinks of you as their whole world.

This thought process seems all over the place.

Everytime I get cheated on I always wonder the same thought. What did i do? Where did i go wrong? Why me?

It's always the same thoughts.

Remember:
It’s not acceptable that trump feels good about himself and you don’t.