Not Your Average Love Story

Prologue

I used to lay in bed at night, thinking about the day I fall in love with a guy. Now, I lay in bed at night thinking about you, and what we could have been. I'm sure you knew, I liked you more than what we were. You didn't care. You only cared when I finally explained my feelings to you. Now you can't ignore them, and neither can I. But even so, you only drew away from me for a couple of weeks, before you decided you gave me enough time to get over that heartbreak. Not you of course, you'd never let me get over you.  You always decided when we stopped things, and then started them back up. I've tried to end things, you just never let me. You always just draw me back in, and I let you do it because I can't get over you. I don't have it in me to tell you "no", and stick with it. I'd do anything for you and you know that. I don't even care as long as I get to touch you, kiss you, hear your voice, and feel your touch. I only care when you need to leave... and when you don't text... and the fact that I can't do that to you! And that I can't touch you, and kiss you, and feel your touch in public... You're the only boy I've ever loved. You make it impossible for me to be loyal to any boyfriend I try to get, to get over you. You make it impossible for me to even BE with any other guy but you. You're the only guy I could ever want to be with, and that sucks cause you're an asshole, and you only string me along because you can't let go of me either. You're afraid, because you know I'm the girl that you wanna settle down with, but you aren't ready. You suck, and I hate you, but I'm never giving up on you, because I love you. I didn't want to love you, I didn't will this to happen, it just happened and I didn't even know it until one day I said "I love him" and it felt true...

-letter to a boy i'll never send