don't let me fall asleep

not so soft

day 2

this is one of his bad days. i know that because when a neighbour rang the bell and asked him to move his car he absolutely lost it. yelling here and there and eventually a door was slammed shut. no one has said anything ever since and i knew better than to talk.

i have learnt the hard way to stay silent and never talk too much so i stay in my room for the rest of the night trying to think about anything but the fact that the car was never moved and that that neighbour has made it clear that he had a sick daughter that might need to go to the hospital any time of the night but still he was not moved, neither was the car.

i tried to focus on anything but what i would do if i was in this person's place. getting yelled at in the middle of the night for asking for a simple deed and having to worry for the rest of the night about whether or not the car was gonna be moved and whether or not i would need it to.

i feel a weight slowly but surely settling against my chest and i try so hard to do anything but focus on the silence.

i try to focus on another's voice

i try to focus on the fact that he was there and will always be. the fact that he loves me still but god how it keeps getting harder trying to think about anything but this overwhelming silence because i have learnt that silence is not as quiet as you might think it was and that it will always be there in the back of my head in a constant buzz and all i have now is silence and its hard to keep anything else out

so i give up. i let the silence consume me tonight and i know this is gonna be another sleepless night and i pray to god i dont.