blow out the candles || t.w.d (short story)

iii || the what if's

hellooooooo everyone, sorry i haven't updated in ages. i'd like this whole fic dedicated to my friend j (morrisg10, also a pseudonym) because he's the best and always goes out of his way to be the best best friend. he's always there for me and supports me 100%. he had a tough night tonight, so i'm giving him all my love <3 

enjoy the update, ik it's not v good 

~Coop's POV~

Josh adjusted the tie around his neck, repeatedly straightening it to procrastinate and pass time. Tears were brimming in his eyes, but bravely, he held them in.

"Ready?" Mum asked him, rubbing his shoulder comfortingly.

"When will I ever be?" He replied with a sigh, brushing her off. She was taken aback, but didn't let it show much.

"Wait for me!" I called out, sprinting toward the door before Josh could go through. "Where are we going?"

No one answered me, leaving me slightly hurt.

Josh sat next to Ashleigh, the two not exchanging any conversation. Josh fiddled with his phone, twisting it in his hand. I decided not to speak up and wait until we arrived wherever we were going.

After a short drive, the car came to a halt in a... cemetery. A cemetery?

Everybody got out of the car, proceeding up a rough and dusty gravel path that ran along hundreds of marble graves. I trailed behind the three as they walked to a shady spot under an enormous oak tree.

"Hey," Brea walked over to my mum and enveloped her in a hug.

"Brea!" I skipped over to the curly haired girl. She ignored me.

I attempted to embrace her but I just went... through her. Through her. I screamed as loudly as I could, my voice echoing through the yard. My throat stung as my voice started to grow hoarse. No one even batted an eye.

"Is this a sick joke?!" I yelled, despite my stinging throat.

"Josh!" I attempted to slap his shoulder but my hand went through just like it had gone through Brea.

I struggled to collect myself and calm down. The crowd was dissipating and relocating toward the tree and I just had to know what was going on. Everybody surrounded an acacia wood box, topped with a vast array of flowers and various items. I saw my favourite drumsticks. Realisation dawned on me like a pile of bricks had dropped on my head.

"No no no no!" I yelled, tears threatening to spill over.

It was impossible. Stupid. Unbelievable.

~Josh's POV~

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had picked him up. The what if's reverberated and echoed around my brain every day, haunting me - telling me the decisions I could've made, but didn't. The what if's.

What if.

What if.

What if.

But unfortunately, there are no time machines, no taking them back and the what if's are completely useless.

The funeral was hard. It was just people constantly coming up to me, bellowing all the same meaningless statements, over and over. Honestly, if I'd had a choice, I wouldn't have gone. It's just another nagging reminder that he's dead and I can't do anything about it.

There's a constant whisper at the back of my head, dangling all my dark thoughts in front of me like a carrot on a stick. It dangles and teases me with things I always danced with but never dated before.

My mind wanders to places it shouldn't go, straying from the path. I knew I had to keep strong and all that crap that people say, but it never changes anything or makes it any less hard. Every night, I tried to sleep but a never-ending reel of memories always flashed before my eyes like a home movie.

That night, I had almost gotten to sleep. I was so close; I could feel slumber about to drag me under until I heard a crash from the kitchen.

"Hello?" I called out.

No answer.

"Hello?" I called out a little louder this time. Still, no answer. 

hope you liked! sorry i've been soooo inactive just because i've had a plethora of work. hopefully i'll get back on it soon!! thanks :) 

K.R xx