A Girl's Heart

Pain of my father

The second memory was about my father. It was really hard dealing with two parents that didn't understand my feelings.

I was still a child, I was goofing off and being childish. I was playing around with the vacuum cleaner. After, I left my parent's room, I see my dad bring out the vacuum cleaner he attacked me with the cord. My mom watching and not do anything didn't surprise me. It pained me every single time, my father was hitting me. I remember that I was on the sofa, crying and screaming, getting whacked by him continuously. No matter how much, I tried to protect myself, I still felt so much pain, physically and mentally.

Why did I have to go through this?

Do I need to go through this forever?

Did I really deserve this treatment?

My entire body was aching. I was in need of help, but how? I wish that I had friends that could be there by my side, I wish I wasn't alone when I was going through these experiences. I felt frightened every time, I see my father. His face was filled with rage and anger. I didn't sense any love from him.

I know that he's my father, but I couldn't help but feel angry, depressed, heartbroken because of what he did to me. I wanted him gone. I didn't want a father. I couldn't consider him a father. But, there was a different vibe from him. A vibe where I had to call him "Dad" even if I didn't want too.

I never called my mom "Mom" because the way how she abused me was beyond. The days of her being my mother was gone. She was a stranger to me. Both of my parents became strangers to me from then on.

I remember once my mom telling me that she and dad only abuse me because they love me. What did I think of that? Absolute bullshit. Why would they nearly kill me if they truly loved me? Why would they go against me? I wanted to love my parents, but all I could feel was distance, hatred, anger and sadness.