You're my only one...

Protecton...

I woke up in a strange bed, in an unfamiliar room. My clothes were on but there was someone beside me.
They reached over and wrapped their arms around me.
It felt somewhat safe but inside I felt sick.
Guilt hung over me like the veil of a newly wed or a widow.
The other just wanted cuddles, but I couldn't be the one to give them to him. I couldn't give him the things he wanted or needed.
The reason was because someone else held my heart.
They may have ripped it out and stomped on it, may have lied and manipulated my thoughts and life.
I may have cried for weeks.
Just for them.
But... even though they had hurt me so...
I still had feelings for that man, the one I didn't fully understand, the one who had filled my lifeless eyes of light. Because of them, I was able to feel joy... I just couldn't believe I threw it away.
Feeling sick I sat up holding my gut.
The stranger beside me awoke and put their arm around my shoulder.
"Everything okay?" He asked rubbing my back.
"I don't know, I shouldn't be here..."
Shaking my head I got up and made my way to where my sweater lay, pulling on my boots.
"Why do you say that?" He asked becoming more alert. "You shouldn't leave, it's late and not safe..."
Slipping an arm through the sleeve I looked at him then off to the side.
"Because I... I love another, and continuing this would only cause more harm then healing". I met his sapphire gaze, "and I must go, not only for you but for myself..."
He rubbed the back of his neck and laughed, "You know I love you, but it's clear you don't feel the same."
I grabbed my bag and slung it over my shoulder, "I'm sorry..."
"It's okay," he said standing up walking towards me, I looked down. His hand grazed my cheek making me take a step back as he sighed, my hair falling through his fingers. "I can't make you love me, nor can I change it... if you feel like you have other things to tend too or that you need to do something... know I'm here even just as a friend... I'll listen."
"Thanks," I said with a slight smile, "I don't think I'll be back though..."
"Oh..." he looked down, a flash of hurt crossing his face. "Did I do something wrong?"
"No, it's just what I said... my heart belongs to someone else, I'm sorry but it honestly probably wouldn't work out, I think you should move on".
He looked at me in disbelief then understanding. "Okay..." he opened his room door and walked me to the front, "I just have one last question..."
"What's that?" I asked stepping outside.
"Is it him that I lost the battle too?"
I arched a brow.
"The one who broke your heart, drove you spiralling down the rabbit hole, my friend and your ex love".
I looked away then up, feeling that sick feeling in my gut twisting like a knife.
He stared into my eyes, I only nodded and hung my head low.
"Alright, I understand... I'm just glad there was some competition..."
I smiled but it faltered, he patted my head and pulled me into a hug. "Be safe hun".
I nodded and pulled back, "we'll meet again, just you know as friends and only that..."
He smiled and crossed his arms, "I wouldn't have it any other way".
I nodded and continued down the street. I lived a few blocks away so I took my time.

As I waked I thought of all the shit I've dealt with, all the let downs and pick me ups. The people I've met and the people I've let down.
By this point I felt so sick it was as though my insides were turning out. The feeling was more real than I thought.
Standing up straight I wiped my mouth on my sleeve and shivered slightly.
"Look what we have here..." a male sang from behind me.
"Dare I asked what a young lady like you is doing out here in a place like this so late?" I looked at the owner and discovered him to be more of a creep than expected.
Bald, chubby, tall, with an unkept beard and stache. Another accompanied him, thin, shaved with scruff and cologne so strong it was like he bathed in it.
"None of your business" I replied moving on my way, the beard grabbed my shoulder.
"Aww, leaning so soon?"
"What's the rush sweetheart?" Scruff said stepping in front of me.
I glared and took a step back, "it's been a long night and I just want to go home , so if you'd be so kind..."
"You want an escort Hun, maybe get a little sugar from the drop off? I mean protection isn't free".
I shook my head, "I'm fine, go bark up a different tree".
They laughed and grabbed my arm. Not taking the hint. I shrugged them off loosing my sweater before bolting to my place.
"Get back here you little slut!" The beard shouted.
"When I get my hands on you I'll be sure to stuff that big mouth of yours full!"
They followed me up the block and around a corner. In time I was well a head of them before I tripped on an uneven sidewalk falling into the mud.
"There she is", one called.
Quickly I got up nearly tripping again. Running through the ally I took a detour and rounded a sharp corner.
Maybe I should let them catch me, let them use me up till I'm nothing... I mean after all I deserve it right?
I cheated on my friend with benefits even though it wasn't exactly labeled, I messed around with their friend... I probably fucked up my chances with the one I loved without even having to make it known. He probably didn't even care anymore... I wouldn't blame him. What have I done to deserve his love? What have I done to get a second chance let alone a third...
Even though I felt like I should give up and stop I continued to run.