new beginnings | l.s

07 | 'illusion'

It was hard to say what was running through Harry's mind for the next few days, he couldn't help but be worried about Louis.

He found every excuse to call him, or check up on him, he found every excuse to talk about him. He tried to put the thoughts to the back of his mind, Louis was probably fine.

But, for some reason, they still stuck their in his head. He couldn't help worrying, he was his boyfriend and all he wanted was for him to be happy and healthy.

"Lou? Baby, we need to talk." Harry whispered to him, they'd been cuddling for a good half hour. Louis nodded and sat up.

"Uh huh? What about?" he was a little confused, raising an eyebrow and tilting his head to the side.

"Are you uh, are you eating properly?" Harry mumbled, he coughed and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

Louis looked at him and quickly kissed his cheek, speaking quietly. "I wasn't, but I saw a doctor and I promise I'm okay now. I just lost my appetite for a bit."

A slight wave of relief rushed over Harry, he had to take his word for it. He would never see Louis as a liar, he wouldn't promise if it was a lie. "I just want you to be healthy, and happy."

"I am, I'm healthy. And I'm very happy with you, like extremely happy. You're the first person to notice something was up really.." He said with a soft smile.

"I was just worried, I noticed straight away." Harry whispered as he gently pressed his lips to his, both boys enjoying the others warmth in the moment.

"Boyssss- oh well then, I was going to tell you we're having a lads night but it seems you're already having one of your own." Zayn chuckled and raised an eyebrow.

"Oh shut up." Harry grumbled. "Lads night? Just us three?" he furrowed his eyebrows and leant back against the end of the bed.

"I convinced Niall and Liam to come over, so we're having a lads night. Not optional." Zayn said jokingly and winked at them, walking back downstairs.

"We better join them." H pressed a soft kiss to Louis' forehead and got up, pulling his own hoodie on.

They walked downstairs and plopped themselves on the couch, Harry pulled Louis to him and let him cuddle himself into his chest in a way.

After a while, sitting with the boys started getting boring. Harry wanted to drink, and have fun, and get rowdy. But he couldn't do that with Louis, because he'd started to go off the idea of drinking again and gone back to being sensible.

He got up, and grabbed a beer, it was the closest he'd get to alcohol. He popped the top off and took a sip, sighing a little.

"Harry, what's wrong?" Louis mumbled as he watched his boyfriend heavily sigh after one sip of a beer.

"Nothings wrong, I just got bored in there." he was brutally honest, taking another sip. "Who wants to sit around and watch shitty films?"

"Well I thought it was nice, but since all you want to do is drink..go ahead. I thought you were different." those words pierced through Harry's heart and he felt anger bubbling inside of him.

"Excuse me?" he mumbled and Louis looked, he was about to walk out. "I'm having one, fucking, beer."

"Yeah, I can see that H, what's wrong? Why are you so angry?" Louis tilted his head and raised an eyebrow.

"'I thought you were different.'" Harry mimicked him and laughed to himself, shaking his head. "because that really lifts my spirits." he grumbled and walked over to him.

"Harry I'm sorry I just-" he got cut off by Harry shaking his head again.

"Just don't." he muttered harshly and walked out, shoving past his much smaller boyfriend by knocking his shoulder against with force. By now he'd opened a new beer and sat himself on the couch.

Louis stayed in the kitchen for a moment while tears welled up in his eyes before he'd noticed Harry had fallen asleep on the couch after a while, so, he sneaked out.

He didn't want to do it, but Harry was drunk. And when Harry was drunk he either made out with random boys or got really angry..and Louis was fragile.

Physically and mentally fragile.

Louis hadn't been to a doctor. He wasn't eating properly.

He did that to please Harry, because he knew Harry would get upset or mad.

He never really drank because he wanted to keep Harry safe, he knew Harry couldn't control his actions.

He stayed because he wanted to make sure Harry was okay the next day, getting him fresh water and pain killers.

It all came down to Harry.

Harry's reactions, what Harry said or did and how Louis managed to cope with it.

It all came down to Harry.

And with that, Louis was gone.
No traces.
No goodbye note.
No 'I love you' or 'I'll see you soon'.
He didn't even tell the others.
He was just gone.

He didn't show up to school either, he didn't go home that night, he didn't call the boys or call Harry.

He didn't go out that night, he didn't want to.

He just wanted to disappear, and so he did.

Well, from Harry anyway.

Nothing was ever perfect really,
only Harry's imagination was perfect.

Maybe this was all in his imagination.