We sat by the fire, our faces burning up from the heat, and our hearts burning up just being around each other. I was in love and so was he. The stars in the sky shone as bright as our love for each other, even if we had our little fights every now and then. But it all seemed so surreal to be loving a man, just as much as I would a woman. There was always some type of void inside me that wasn't filled, and once I met Ennis it felt as if I had found the last puzzle piece. It felt as though I had found the love of my life. But a subtle discomfort still roamed the air between us. We were both torn with what we needed and wanted to do. We both knew we needed each other, and at this point Brokeback Mountain was all we had to deal with our needs. I wanted to move up by my parents, I wanted to help out with their ranch with Ennis. We would build our own home and keep it all to ourselves. Nobody else would know of it and we would live a happy life. But I couldn't quite tell what Ennis wanted. Every time I brought it up he tried to change the subject, or a fight sprung up from it. Although I didn't know what he had going on in his head, I kept prying at him. I knew there was always some little voice inside him telling him to live with me. I just needed to give it a little push.
"Ennis" I sputtered out after taking a long swig of whiskey. He looked up at me from across the fire, holding his own beer bottle firmly.
"Huh." He took a drink from his bottle, keeping eye contact with me.
"I need to know what's on your mind." I said, making him a bit paranoid, causing him to shift away. He stayed silent, giving me the sense that he wanted me to continue.
"Do you love me?"
He looked up at me again, his eyes wider and full of curiosity. He almost opened his mouth to say something but quickly closed it, looking for something else to say.
"Do you love me like you love Alma?" I said right after, shifting my legs. Tension was in the air between us now, and the majority of it was radiating off of him. I could smell the smoke from the fire and after asking that question, it seems to drift right into my face, as if I shouldn't have ever said it. It was a long period of silence before he opened his mouth, only to close it again and weave his fingers through his hair.
"What're you tryna get at?" He finally asked, shattering my stress. I sat there awkwardly too, rubbing my finger down my bottle of whiskey—trying to come up with what to say so this wouldn't turn out into another fight.
"Just answer the question cowboy." I said, trying to break the strong tension between us. He thought for a moment, looking into the warming fire, his eyes never drifting from it until he met his eyes with mine.
"I love you more than A-alma." He stuttered, a little uncertain of what just came out of his mouth. His eyes shifted after he said it and I looked up at him with a streak of hope, I could feel my cheeks getting hotter. But before I could say anything else, he spoke again—which was unlikely coming from him.
"In all honesty, Alma and me aren't working out too well." He said, setting his bottle down and rubbing his hands together, gazing eye contact with me. It was awful to think this way, but hearing that made me ecstatic. I didn't want to get my hopes up but I kept listening, praying for more good news. It seemed as if I was playing the lottery, and the thing I needed to hear to win the jackpot was the words 'I want to grow old with you', but the chances of that was little to none so I kept my hopes low.
"Me and her are getting divorced, and.." He stayed silent for a minute, seeming uncertain of what to say next.
"I think I want to take up your offer. Our dream." He said to me, a little smile creeping up on his face. This almost didn't feel real, I looked at him, keeping eye contact. Was I dreaming this? Or did he actually seriously just say what I think he did..?
"You mean.. you want to settle in with me back at my parents ranch..?" Once I said it out loud I felt a bit stupid, but it felt amazing to say. It was my biggest dream and I prayed every night that it would happen; the only thing keeping it from happening was Ennis being scared for our lives. Which was a pretty valid reason, but I couldn't help but feel opposed to it, since I knew we were going to live in secret and nobody was going to know. Once I looked up at him again, his face was bright red—but something seemed off. He wasn't responding and my question left the air.
"Jack how is this gonna work." He put his head in his hands, whimpering slightly. This got me nervous, my leg shaking a bit.
"What if your parents get suspicious?" He asked me, his bottle still tightly in his hand. I opened my mouth to talk for a second before closing it, not really knowing what I was going to say in the first place.
"Ennis they won't get suspicious! They're very sheltered people, they live under a damn rock, they won't even look at our goddamn house." I said to him, trying to reassure that nothing wrong was going to happen. In the pit of my stomach I was still scared that something was going to happen; but the only thing stopping me from thinking like he was—was hope.
"Jack I'm sorry to fuckin say but not everything just goes how ya want it to." He started to raise his voice, his eyes keeping subtle eye contact with me. He was thinking too much and that caused his anxiety to spring out of no where.
"What do ya want me to say then huh? I throw a little hope out there and you flush it all away because you're scared we're gonna get caught! We'll be living in the middle of fucking nowhere Ennis! The only people in a 20 mile radius will be my parents and maybe a couple of cows and horses!" He shook his head, looking at the ground. His breathing got more intense.
"You can't live like this Ennis! WE—can't live like this. I don't want to live like this and I know you don't either. You can't let this goddamn fear take over your life like this." I yelled at him once more, a few tears dripping down my face onto the hard cracked dirt. Ennis stayed silent for a minute, pondering on what to say to me. He sighed and got up, bringing me into his arms.
"I don't want ya getting hurt." He mumbled, his mouth by my ear and his hands entangled in my hair.
"I don't want to get killed like the men my father took me to see because they were living together." He sputtered out, rubbing the back of my head.
"Well I don't want to die without you by my side." I mumbled, choking on my words as I tried not to cry too hard. He held onto me for a moment, letting out a long sigh.
"Fucking hell Jack. How the hell're we supposed to work this out." I looked up at him, my arms wrapped around his neck with embrace.
"I'll do everything I can to make this work Ennis. We aren't going to live miles and miles away from each other just because we're scared."
I looked up at him with hope and took his hands—rubbing them and holding onto them before I grabbed him by the face and kissed him as if I would never be able to do it again. He wrapped his arms around me and it all just felt so right. Everything I felt was warm and comforting, and that feeling only ever came from being with him. I leaned into the kiss once more before I pulled away, my breath heavy.
"There's nothing else on this planet that makes me feel this way except you, Ennis Del Mar, never forget that." Saying that made him smile, breathing out slowly. His face was warm when I touched it, and I rubbed my thumb across his cheek as he spoke back.
"Well I'm glad we feel the same Jack Twist. You're the only person I feel at home with." He sticks his tongue in between his teeth, grabbing my face and kissing me carefully, pulling me closer to his body. The feeling of love drifted through the air as we embraced each other, giving me a soothing feeling in my stomach almost like butterflies but—better. Soon enough I was hugging him tightly and crying a bit on his shoulder. All the stress from our back and fourth relationship had all just gone away. Sure he had to go through the divorce, and we had to figure out how he would see his kids—but we would finally be able to live a loving and content life together. We would have to be careful around my parents presence, but we would be in our own home. Away from everybody else. Ennis grabbed me by the cheeks again, running his hand down my neck and back up into my hair.
"We're gonna work this out dammit. I can't sleep at night knowin I'm not next to ya." He says with a somber tone, immediately going back to a hopeful mood.
"Nobody is getting in the way of our relationship—and we need to be careful to prevent that from happening." He said keeping eye contact to make sure I was listening fully.
"Ennis. Don't be so paranoid." I mumbled, holding onto him to give him a sense of comfort and support.
"We're going to grow old together, and the only notion people will get of us, is that we're two ranchers who are too far in poverty to live alone." I smiled, rubbing my hand through his hair.
"We're going to move on from these stupid mountains." I said, resting my hand on his cheek and keeping eye contact.
"We're more than this."
He let out a sigh of relief, putting his forehead to mine. The fire gave a warming vibe to our embrace, making things a lot more comfortable. I could already tell that he was happier and just because of so it gave me a feeling of excitement.
"I was so worried none of this would have worked out Jack. I thought you were gonna getcher self a wife and have some kids of your own—I thought-" I cut him off, kissing him gently.
"Ennis. Stop worryin—Please. You're stressin me out. Let's just get to bed alright?" I mumbled, my lips grazing his one last time before our hands held onto each other as we walked to our tent, just big enough for the both of us to fit. Once I had buttoned up the last of the tent, I laid down in front of him and he instantly put his arm around my waist, pulling my body as close to his as possible while grabbing ahold of my hand. This brought a smile upon my face and I rubbed my thumb on the top of his hand—which was warm and smooth. He let out a relaxed breath as a held onto his hand, leaning into him as much as I could.
"I love you so god damn much Ennis." I mumbled, turning my head to kiss him before turning back and pulling the one blanket we had over my body—still holding onto his hand firmly. It took a couple of seconds before I heard him respond.
"I love ya too Jack."
Before I fell asleep I kept thinking about our future. I thought about the nights we could spend cuddling together and embracing each other. I thought about the nights we could make love and the meals we could eat together. We could smoke together and talk about our problems. But most importantly we would be together. We would be able to see each other every morning and work together. I held onto his hand a little tighter knowing that I wouldn't have to let go soon. Me and him would be living together, and no body else would know about it.
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I hope you all enjoyed this! I will try and be finishing this fic! It's my happy ending fic because I've been so sad about the real ending of the movie!!!
