21. Lighthouses are dangerous. Avoid them at all costs. If you work at a lighthouse consider a career in insurance sales, or veterinary care. Have you ever read Three Skeleton Key?
22. There is simply no reason to listen to music that causes suicidal tendencies...
23. ..or to watch films that have had strange/disastrous consequences..
24. If you like to plan ahead and have some money, buy your auntie and uncle a house in Bel-Air. Nothing can harm you there no matter how scared your mother is.
25. Secret secluded untouched places in old buildings are left untouched for a reason. Pioneers never say “die”, but in fact they do have an unusually high mortality rate.
26. Before you start swimming in the ice-cold waters of a murky lake at the center of a dark forest at midnight, ask yourself, do you really want to travel to an ancient and terrifying city? If the answer is "no," then stay at home instead, and watch whatever quality programming is available on Cinemax. Which means boobs.
27. On your 33rd birthday try celebrating in a well lit house with the company of others.
28. Refrain from using the One True Name for anything; there is probably a reason people gave it a nick.
29. Watching TV static for long periods may be hazardous to your health. Try satellite TV or Freeview to combat this problem. Netflix and Internet streaming are also effective.
30. Get a cat. Those furry little hairballs seem to perceive unnatural phenomena better than us, and if desperate, simply throw it at whatever is about to get you.
