vlog squad ~oneshots~ (discontinued)

we're all a little fucked up, too

au thing where liza is damaged because of her childhood

(okay i started this in like fucking june, june 10th to be exact, so like i was gonna just delete it because its an old vent but i decided to finish it)

inspired by DNA by lia marie johnson, it's a great song I recommend highly

third person pov

she shoved him again, making him tense, but he'd never push her back

sometimes she gets like this, she can't really help it, it's almost like she inherited this.

her father abused her mother, he was always drunk, always yelling

she was so scared of him, doing everything in her power not to end of like him

yet, despite her efforts, here she was yelling and hurting her extremely patient and loving boyfriend

she screamed at him, she's almost forgotten what set her off in the first place, now all she knows is the completely irrational and misplaced anger inside her.

it ruled over her thoughts and body entirely, she loves him, she doesn't want to hurt him.

he grabs her arm and spins her around so her back is against his chest and wraps his arms around her over her arms, almost like a straight jacket

she fights against him for only a moment more until she gives up, knowing that there was no way to win against him, despite her strength.

she falls against him sobbing and buries her head in his chest and cries, repeatedly apologizes. her chest rises and falls rapidly and unevenly.

he just holds her and tells her it's okay, as if his cheek wasn't already starting to bruise from where she hit him moments ago, as if she wasn't drunk and hadn't just been screaming at him.

she thinks of her father again,

she remembers hiding in the corner while she watched him be dragged away in handcuffs

seeing blue and red flashes through the tears in her eyes as she hears voices and sobs, some being her own.

the innocent little girl watching as her father drunkenly threatened her mother and drove his fist into the wall near her head, her mother stood there strong, though crying silently as she looked at her husband, not shocked, but still scared.

she slowly stood, david was confused.

she walked to the small mirror hanging on her wall, looking into it.

she brought one of her hands to her face, running it along a small scar on her cheek.

she sees the tear stains of mascara down both of her cheeks

then she looks at her eyes, teary and slightly bloodshot, but they're his eyes

she has her father's eyes

and her father's temper

she sobs again, slowly turning to look at her boyfriend

"run while you can" she says to him quietly

"what?" he asks, his voice soft and comforting. it hurt him to see her cry.

she sobs again, "run away, now, before i can ruin you like he ruined everyone he loved"

"who baby?" he asks, standing and beginning to walk over

"oh god" her voice gets higher and slightly louder, "i'm just like him, aren't i?" her voice quiets again, but she's crying hard, "i don't deserve you, bubba"

he hugs her, "but i don't deserve you either. you're so amazing, liza. sure, something in your past fucked you up a little, and you won't tell me what, which is fine, and yeah, occasionally you have these, whatever you want to call them-s, but we're all a little fucked up, too."

she smiles at him, and kisses him, wrapping her arms around his neck. she buries her face in his neck and smiles because he smells like himself and she loves him dearly.

she smiles

he'll always be here for her.

sorryyy that was shittyyyy