Lost Memories (Taehyung x Jennie) [The Final Book]

◆ Forty ◆

It is night already until we get back to our dorm.

Jennie went straight to our room and loed down on her bed. The other members did the same thing as we all are tired.

I took a bath and let Jennie rest herself.
After taking a bath, I walked towards Jennie and sat beside her bed.

I tucked the loose strands of hair behind her ear. And caressedbher cheeks, my finger tips are memorizing her face lines.

But I halted...
As she slowly opened her eyes and looked at me.

"I'm sorry for waking you up."
           I apologized as I realized it was my fault.

"Gwaenchana."
          Raspy voice came out as she answered.

"Have you eaten?"
          She asked, her eyes are.closed and she's still half asleep.

"Umm..."
           I can't answer since it was a no.

"Cook now, I'll just go to the bath."
          She commanded but I refused.

"Mwo? You're going to take a bath? Isn't that bad?"
         I asked.

"Nope, I feel like it's better. I also can feel that my skin is dry and I'm so dirty and sticky."
          She answered checking her skin on her forearms.

"Okay, but don't bath too long. It might get you sick. I'll cook, after taking a bath, go to the kitchen."
            I commanded and smied sweetly before letting her enter the bathroom.

After that....
I went alone to the kitchen.
I cook and did whatever I told I'm going to do.

But I feel numb...
As I sat down on the dinnimg chair and waited for Jennie...
I suddenly felt numb...
My feelings are taken away as I accidentally remembered a scene of Jennie crying...over and over...and a scene that she's bleeding severely.

"Those scenes...happened in the past. A scene that she's crying endlessly...and a scene where she was shooted by a gun.

Eun Woo shooted her saying that it's better for her to die if he can't have her.

I can remember those words...
That event, those scenes are still vivid on my mind."

I closed my eyes and tried to focus on the present...but tears began to form from my eye duct and I had to resist myself from crying.

I was about to groan to stop it...
But I felt a body leaning on me.
A woman just sat down on my lap.
Arms wrappinh aroung my shoulder.

I opened my eyes and saw...

"Jennie..."
             My lips just called her.

My eyes are teary...
And the vision of me suddenly take her smile away.

She didn't responded...
She didn't asked a thing...

Instead, she just cupped my face and wiped the tears off from my eyes that started to fall slowly.

As she did that...
The more tears fell down from my eyes, dropping on our lap.
My numbness turned to be loneliness.
I feel so lonely as I remembered those scenes...

"She suffered...too much."

My arms reached for her waist, I hugged her tightly, and leaned my head on her shoulder.

She began to stroke the back of my neck, comforting me.

"Jennie..."
            I called her again.

"I'm so sorry."
            I apologized.

"Sorry. Please forgive me."
            I feel both apologetic and guilty.

"I can't lose you."
             The more I speak, the more guilt is entering me.

"I'm so mad...mad at myself, I couldn't protect you all of the time. I feel so mad, you are suffering too much by loving me."
             I added...and that made me cry even more.

Her silk robe is wet by my tears.

"You...you actually can't have a happy life beside me. Loving me causes so much trouble in your life. I'm just a destroyer...I can't do anything good. All I did is to put you in a place where you'll get hurt."
           She pushed me lightly to let out a space between us.

She cupped my face...
She wiped the tears off and...

"Shhh."
          Was the only response she gave.

"I'm sorry."
           I apologized once again.

"Shh, enough."
            Seriously, she answered.

Hearing her serious voice usually can make me stop.

I smiled...
And...

"Sorry."
              Once again.

"Shh, I said enough. The food is getting cold, let's eat."
               Just to make me stop, she suggested us to eat.

I smiled...
I chuckled...
I nodded and agreed.

She sat beside me...
And I watched her pick some foods.

She also picked foods for me...

"I love you so much...

I can die anytime just for you.
I'm willing to kill myself for you.
I can't lose you...
I can't endure seeing you in pain.
I can't ease seeing you suffer.

Loving me causes so much trouble for you.
You don't deserve all of these...I don't deserve you."

▲▽▲▽▲▽

Time have passed...

- Jennie

We're currently lying on my bed.

We took our dinner earlier with the tension.

I got his idea...
When he started letting out his thoughts.

"I never thought of you as a troublemaker in my life.

But hearing it cominh from you made me thought that...what am I saying? I shouldn't think about things like that."

"I love you...
But what you have said earlier is somehow...true.

Yet...
Don't worry.

I won't leave.
I'm just beside you."

"Both of us have a hard time by loving each other...so stop saying that it was only me.

Loving me causes trouble to you too.
You're excluding some things again."

"I love you, Tae.

Don't forget that.

And hold unto that."

"We love each other...

And that's the only thing we should think of, especially when we are facing conflicts."