I'll swear that I'll always paint you Golden Days {Ryden}

-four-

The soft wind was the only sound that reached his ears as he tried to turn his head to the right. The sound of the door had rung out and no other had followed. No steps. No breathing. No closing of the door. Nothing. Brendon didn't dare to look up. He didn't want to be faced with  a social interaction right now in case the person who had opened the door didn't just do it to let fresh air in. He was in his own personal zone. Just he, his thoughts and his nicotine. The moon was an occasional companion. But that was about all the listeners he had. He didn't want more. He didn't need more. He was fine by himself. They wouldn't get him anyway. They wouldn't help. They would just be polite. He didn't need anyone's fake sympathy. He didn't need anyone. He was fine.

After seconds which seemed to stretch like gum he could here another sound. The light tap of a bare foot touching the stone. Brendon took a deep drag and cursed innerly. He had hoped his unknown neighbour would have just closed the door again. Now that he thought about it. He never saw his left side neighbour. In the years he lived here he never talked to him and noticed him being there. He didn't really thought about that before today. Today, when he also saw the stranger. In deeper thinking that might be his neighbour. He exhaled the smoke tasting the nicotine on his lips again. Maybe he should actually say hello and introduce himself. But not now. Tomorrow maybe. Or some other day when he was actually ready to go outside again and knock at a strangers door. If he put it in those words that would probably never happen. He wanted to sigh by suppressed it remembering that he wasn't the only one. Couldn't his neighbour give him his personal space?

The sound of a lighter burned any last hope Brendon had for privacy. Now that guy would also smoke a cigarette and they would both stand in absolute awkwardness. He wouldn't begin to talk. And if the guy decided to make a use of his voice Brendon would answer as short as possible so he would knew that he was invading a personal space and moment.

His eyes were glued to the cigarette that still had more than half if his original size. He couldn't flick it away and waste that much. So he decided to make his drags deeper then before so he would waste it but was able to run away as fast as possible. He could hear that the other man was mimicking him in taking long deep drags exhaling quickly. Brendons eyes wandered over the floor until they were met with the bare feet of the stranger. They had that in common then.

The breath of the stranger was much quicker then Brendons own. He was shaking his one knee violently, either of the cold air and stone or the awkwardness between them. Brendon wasn't quite sure. He wondered why this guy was out on the balcony all by himself. His wife was surely inside in their bed. Maybe he wasn't allowed to smoke inside or at all so he made it secretly. That's why he was hurrying up. But he was still wearing jeans. Like Brendon to be fair. But Brendon had no one with whom he would go to bed together. No one who had a problem with him still being up or sleeping with his normal clothes. No one to keep him from thinking and contemplating whenever he needed to. You could contemplate the pros and cons about that now.

The silence was pretty awkward and Brendon just wished for the guy to leave. He didn't see him all his time living there. Why did he meet him today? He was perfectly fine with not knowing his left side neighbour. To never see or hear him was totally okay. He didn't care what things would happen behind these walls but now it got a ball in his mind rolling. The walls weren't necessarily thick and he often heard sounds like the tv or people talking loudly from his right side neighbour. What was happening in this guys apartment? He didn't  seem to leave it too often.  What did he do in there all the time? And what was his wife doing? Did he just keep her hostage in there? What if he actually has someone kept in there?

Brendons heart started racing as he thought about that possibility and his eyes made their way from the bars feet of the stranger over the stone floor until he peeked into the dark apartment. He couldn't see anything die to the insides being swallowed by darkness. But then his rational thinking started to chime in. There was no way that this guy kept a hostage and no one would hear a single thing. The walls were really too thin for that. And where would he even hide and keep the person? No, he wasn't holding a hostage.

Brendon nearly chuckled to himself for thinking about that but stopped so he wouldn't seem like a crazy person. Sure, it was just his neighbour but he didn't really wanted to draw any attention to himself if not necessary. His eyes wandered back to the moon as he took another drag of his cigarette. The nicotine dancing around in his mouth and down his windpipe until eventually settling in his lungs. A true toxic relationship between him and these cigarettes. But he had no intention of changing that anytime soon. It was calming. And to be honest if this now was his life and he it wouldn't change them he didn't see the point in trying to live a long healthy life. He didn't want to die right here and now but why should he try staying on this grey planet for longer than planned. There wasn't a point to it really.

One last breath could be heard from the guy as Brendon saw him flick away the remains of his cigarette out of the corner of his eyes following the nicotine stick falling into the dark abyss with his eyes. The tapping against stone indicated that the stranger was leaving back into the darkness of his apartment. Brendon waited until he heard the sounds of the door closing before he let the tense feeling flow from his shoulders. He hadn't realised it before but his hand had be lightly shaking the whole time while being out here with the new guy. He didn't know why. It was probably just the anxiety that he would be one of those guys who would want to socialise. Luckily for brendon that wasn't the case. At least for now.

He turned his head lightly to look into the apartment on the left side of him but the guy seemed to have headed straight to bed for there was no light whatsoever. With one last drag of his cigarette Brendon pushed the stub against the metal railing like every day. With one last look up at the moon he turned around and got back into his own four walls. He pulled off his clothes besides his boxers and threw on the white smelly shirt before he just fell into bed.

In the process of falling asleep he listened out carefully for any sounds behind the walls.