I'll swear that I'll always paint you Golden Days {Ryden}

-nine-

A look of pure horror decorated his features as the knock sounded a second much more quiet time. His body was frozen. He couldn't move, even if he wanted to. There was no way of moving forward or running away. No way of facing it or hiding. He just stood there. Unable to respond. He was too scared. This was not how he imagined it happening. Not here, not in that situation, not with that person. He rarely knew that guy. But more important it was a guy. Did this ever happen before? In school it was always a girl met a boy and turned around. That was how it was supposed to be. That's what would be normal.
Normal.
Brendon felt his heart filling with rage. He just wanted to be normal. All his life he had wished for a soul mate to fit in. To be like everyone else. And now this? He found his soul mate. Great. But that was far from fitting in. That was just the opposite. Weren't you supposed to find your soul mate to get kids and built a family? Well, that won't work like this.

A second knock.

Brendons head tilted further and further down as he clenched his fists. What would his parents say? He finally found someone but surprise it's a guy. He still wasn't fitting in. Tears began to fill his eyes as his face pulled into a grimace of anger. His breathing got faster and louder as he tried to keep in the sobs. Why did the universe hate him so much? His shoulders began to shake as he brought his hands up to his face to cover it. He couldn't believe it. This must be a night mare.

As his hands crawled up to his hair pulling on it first lightly and then stronger in hopes to wake up in his bed. Back with his world painted in black, grey and white. Him still not fitting in but being able to deal with it due to years of practice. Back to when he knew how to handle everything. But nothing like this happened. He closed and opened his eyes once, twice, three times, four times. But nothing changed. There was still this new colour painting his desk and wardrobe and drawer. He didn't know what colour it was. If he would think a bit about it he would knew but right now that was his smallest concern.

He fell onto his knees with a sob of defeat and just let the tears run freely. No one could see him here anyways. It was still his safe four walls. Just not as familiar and unchanged anymore. It was all different. He should've stayed inside. He shouldn't have gone out to smoke. Then this wouldn't have happened. He knew it was risky to leave his apartment but he didn't think that his balcony was the most dangerous if all places. It seemed safe all the other times. It was his place of comfort but now? It's a place of misfortune and danger.

There was no third knock. So Brendon just sat listening to his own irregular breathing as he left his eyes closed to avoid seeing his changed surrounding. He didn't want to face it. He couldn't face it. There was just no way.

The faint taste of nicotine still stained his mouth as he nervously licked his lips while his knee was jumping up and down. He was filled with anger, confusion,

defeat.

How should one deal with this? Maybe this wasn't the first time this actually happened. Maybe that happened before and they just don't teach about it. They don't teach about causes of not finding their soul mate either. But he found out that he wasn't the only one online when he nervously searched as a young adult.

His head slowly raised as his eyes opened again and his computer came into his tear blurred vision. Now that he thought about it. Every thing that changed was made out of wood. He learned that wood was brown. So brown was the first colour he saw. But as if that would matter now.

He weakly pushed himself off the floor and stumbled over to his desk turning on his computer. The dating website was still open. His eyes scanned it for a while until he closed the tab and opened another one. He typed in his question and let his finger hover over 'enter' for a while. Would he find anything? What if he wouldn't find anything? He breathed in slowly and held his breath as he pressed enter. His computer screen flickered like it never did before. Then it simply shut down. Brendon watched the whole thing with confusion as he tried to turn his computer back on again. Nothing besides one loud beep. No matter how often Brendon pressed the on button or how often he slapped the top and sides of the monitor or computer, it didnt respond.

In exchange there was a hurried knock at his door which caused him to flinch. The knock didn't stop. Brendon slowly stood up his face turned towards the door. Out of curiosity he made his way over to the door carefully. His hand was placed on the handle for a while contemplating wether to open it or not. But then he just did it. Mostly because the knocking was annoying him. Before that he quickly wiped the tear staines from his face with his old shirt.

The door was pushed against him as a thin frame entered his house forcing the door close behind him immediately. Brendon stood there, his hand still on the handle in confusion. As he turned his head his soul mate was there. In his flat. Looking highly stressed out. The anger in Brendon came back as he was about to tell that guy to leave him alone. But the other was faster. "Did your computer make the sound?", he asked hurriedly with a unique voice. But Brendon nodded slowly ignoring his want to hear more of this sound. "Shit, you searched for it, didn't You?" "It?", Brendon answered as innocent as possible. He didn't really know what the guy wanted from him. "Don't play dumb now, this is important. You searched if same sex soul mates exist, right?", he asked looking back and Brendons now dark brown eyes. Brendon was staring into the other ones light brown ones before nodding slightly ashamed. "Fuck." The guy shook his brown slightly curly hair as he stared at Brendon nearly in pity. Brendon grew more and more uncomfortable, partly because the world looked different to him, partly because he didn't know what's going on, partly because he was only in his boxers and the old shirt. "Why?", he asked quietly trying to hide himself behind his arms as he hugged himself.

"We're in trouble."