If You Only Knew

I.

"I don't even know who you are anymore." He says looking at me, tears streaming down his cheek.

I have no clue what to say to that. I don't know me either would probably work. Looking to the ground, I hear him sigh. That was it. The last string finally snapped.

"Rae.. What do I do from here?" his voice cracks trying to get that last part out.

I say nothing. What can you say when you've just broken the heart of your father? Pacing, he rubs his eyes, somehow trying to wipe away the reality that's struck him.

"What have I not given you? Why aren't you happy?"

My throat feels like it's been scraped by a razor. No tears fall from my face. I can't cry anymore.

"I have to call someone"

"No" I say sternly, almost shocked on how clear my voice came out.

That's the first thing I've said since he found me. I can tell he's shocked too. The seriousness of the situation still hasn't reached him. It hit me months ago, when I decided to do it.

"Raegan"

I say nothing.

"Raegan please. Help me out here. Give me some kind of answer. Some kind of solution to this. I need to know where to go from here. What to do."

"I..." I decide not to speak. There's no point. There's not even a point for him to say anything. My mind is already made up.

He sits on the couch, palms on the back of his neck. I just watch him. Why does he even care? Why is all this such a big deal to him?

"I'm doing you a favor." I say emotionless.

He looks up. His red eyes clouded by tears that well in their ducts. Opening his mouth to say something, he closes it, knowing it won't do any good. My feet feel like they're planted in cement. I can't leave even though this entire scene pains me to watch. What if I'd actually done it? Where would he be emotionally then?

"Raegan.." a quivering voice speaks.

Turning around, I look the speaker in the face. Dad looks up too, and the tension in the air can almost be seen. Before anyone has a chance to say anything, I'm out the door, running. I have no idea where I'm going, but I can't stand to be there anymore. Hearing footsteps follow, it only encourages me to keep going. Faster. I have to get away from here.

"Raegan.. Stop!"

No. I can't stop, my only motivation right now is to get away. To stop hurting those I used to hold to such high regards. The more I hear footsteps, the faster I go. Keep going. I have to get away..