If You Only Knew

IV.

Opening my eyes, I can't make out where I am. Everything is blurry, and my head throbs trying to make sense of everything.

Am I dead?

If this is what being dead is like, I might as well be alive. I cant remember what's happened. It's like my brain is buffering out the key details that'll pull everything together.

"You're finally awake"

My eyes widen at this statement. I haven't heard that voice in years.

Her voice.

Suddenly, I jolt up. I don't know where the heck I am, but this isn't happening right now. It can't be, because there's no way. My head throbs even more so, causing me to bring my hand to it to see if there's blood. In doing this, a shiver runs down my spine. The warmth on my head now becomes cold as I place my fingers on it softly. Bringing it back down, I see red. Just my luck. Things are still kind of blurry for me visually.

"Calm down. It's okay Rae"

I have to be dreaming.

The voice that's speaking to me belongs to someone who left me when I was younger. She was all I had and she abandoned me. She left me with no one but dad. Everyday, I questioned why I wasn't good enough. I wasn't good enough for my mother, then she showed me I wasn't good enough for her.

My sister

"I know what you're thinking Rae and I swear.."

"No!" I cry. "You don't get to ask me to understand."

"But if you just listen."

"You're not real. I'm just dreaming. I need to wake up."

Wake up. Wake up. Wake up.

"Raegan baby please wake up" I hear my dad say in between sobs

I squint my eyes, head pounding from my last encounter. Sirens ring loudly, as a mask is placed over my mouth. I quickly move my hand up, attempting to pull it from my face. The man places it back and speaks some weird code into his radio. More medics come, as my dad squeezes my left arm. I watch his attempt to comfort and blood starts flowing out of the fresh cuts on my wrist from earlier today. Thy weren't deep enough to kill me, yet. Dad stopped me before any true damage could be done. He quickly releases my arm, showing it to the medic.

"We have a 17-D-1. A jumper. Head trauma seems to be serious, but not fatal. Get a stretcher"

My focus becomes clear on the man who's trying to save my life. Tears fall from my face, knowing that yet again, I've failed. A bed on wheels comes in my direction.

"Raegan can you feel anything. Don't move yet."

I can't feel anything. Physically. Fear rushes over me as I frantically search my head for answers. Is this just shock?

Some lady puts a neck brace on me, as another lifts me onto the stretcher. While they take me away, I hear the medic speak to my dad about my condition. He starts crying even more hysterically but I can't make out what else is said. All I can think about is one distinct word.

Paralyzed.