Close Your Eyes

six; ❝i will never forget❞

Aurora's POV

We almost kissed.

The same thoughts have been repeating in my head over and over again. Even though it's been 3 days, I don't find that they'll get any weaker.

My doubts make a rare appearance though, and I wonder if it could have simply been my imagination that she had been leaning in. I might have gotten too close and scared her off.

"That's a more reasonable explanation," I say out loud.

Either way, if she did lean in or didn't, she isn't talking to me.

"Why do I ruin everything?" I ask aloud.

"Honey, what's wrong? You don't ruin anything," my mom says as she comes in my room.

"You weren't supposed to hear that," I comment.

"I did anyways. So, what's wrong?"

She sits on the opposite edge of my bed and looks at me with concern. She's an older reflection of me, just with darker skin and without my signature dyed hair. Her brown hair rests freely on her head, in a set of curls that I wish I could have inherited. Instead, my hair had always been long and brown with a slightly different texture that I gained from my white biological father.

My identity hasn't always been completely straightforward, with having a biracial mother and a white father, everyone around me always wanted to ignore and deny my mother's existence. My hair has always been important to me though, and it's a way for me to express myself.

After my father had left, I had taken upon the challenging of changing essentially everything about me. That meant changing my hair color, and taking power of a new fresh start. The new color provided me with some help doing so.

"I ruined a friendship I had."

"What do you think you did that ruined it?" She asks me.

"I almost kissed her," I say.

"Almost?"

"She pulled away before I kissed her. She left and she hasn't been talking to me. I ruined the friendship," I explain.

"You haven't ruined anything. You can still fix things with her."

Her optimistic attitude is shocking, considering the fact that she's always been a realistic person with no hopes of a better world. She's a paralegal though, so it must be in their DNA to only look at the facts. Yet here, she's not.

"No, I can't. What will I say? 'Oh, I'm sorry, I just fell into you and almost kissed you.' I don't think she'll buy that."

"Honey, she doesn't even have to know why you were about to kiss her. You two can continue being friends as if it hadn't happened."

I wish that could be true, but the mark will always be there. She must be convinced that I have feelings for her, and I can't bear the weight of another crush that won't be returned.

I had already faced it once back at home, and it ended up being a huge mess. I still recall the flames that appeared right in front of me, and how my best friend had practically spit on me after she heard the rumors about my sexuality. I suppose that it's partly my fault for falling in love with a straight girl who I knew was homophobic, but it was still hard regardless. I know that Rosa isn't homophobic, but heartbreak is still heartbreak regardless of where it comes from.