I like him too much it hurts

The Flood

Seeing your name,
brings feelings,
a flood.
You cause me to drown.

I fear the ocean,
yet i constantly feel like i live in the seas.
My feelings flood my mind and cloud my eyes with something i simply can't control.

It hurts, you hurt me.
I know it can't happen, I know i can't have you.
So i lie.
I lie to myself, and I lie to you.
I don't want to hurt you nor myself.
Missing you hurts me.
It sucks.
My heart chooses to go the opposite way then my mind.
It steers me in another direction.
Then it happens again.
I'm drowned and I'm stranded.
I'm lost.
I need you to guide me.
Yet you don't even know where to find me.

I'm in the middle of all this mess.
I'm the cause of this mess.
I can't control,
I can't think,
I can't speak.
I can't.
I can't.
I can't.
I'm tired of the "I can't"
because I'll never be with you.
I want it to be over,
but not this,
this i don't want to end.
I just got to let you know,
you once meant the world to me.