To Love the Rain

Chapter Three:

The ride home was saturated with silence; the deafening noise was so absolute that I almost drowned in it. I wanted my mom to say something, perhaps a simple reassurance that everything would be alright. However, as I peeked at her out of the corner of my vision, I could tell that even she was at a loss for words. But I just wanted to do something, feel something! Hell, even more crying would've been better than this-

This numbness that had settled into my bones and eclipsed my entire world in its black and white monochrome.

Deep in my bones, I knew it was wrong.

For a brief second, I even forgot that Dr. Monroe had told me I was going to die not even thirty minutes ago.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, she parked the car in the spot our little apartment complex assigned to us. Silence ensued, and I glanced absentmindedly at the outside world, a blurry mess of different shades of gray. Raindrops, like tiny vengeful daggers from the heavens above, bespectacled the wind shield of our car with mismatched polka dots. In my boredom, I tunneled my remaining energy into watching the raindrops race their way across the window shields, just like I did when I was younger.

"Merci," my mom's soft voice cut through the permeating silence firmly, but kindly.

I turned my gaze away from the perpetual race, and looked into her eyes once more. Although her eyes were still red, and puffy from crying, she still managed to look absolutely beautiful. I smiled weakly at her, trying to convey a message I didn't even know I had.

She searched my face with a pair of golden orbs, and I just kept on smiling.

"Oh, my beautiful baby boy," my mom choked out as she gently stoked my cheek with one thumb.

Tears gathered at the edge of her vision, and before I could say anything to console her, I found myself inside her embrace once more. It wasn't a hug of relief this time, instead, it was the desperate clutch of someone about to lose it all. She trembled violently as she held me, arms practically forming a death grip. I inhaled her scent- crushed pinecones and fresh lavender- and shakily hugged her back. Maybe it was the slight wetness that I felt in the crook of my neck, or maybe it was blank slate that was my emotional pallet, but I finally felt something.

I almost wish I hadn't.

It started out as something small, a single somersault inside my gut.

And then, everything went to shit.

The air grew thinner once again, and I found myself having trouble drawing breath. I suddenly shuddered violently inside her embrace, an overwhelming tsunami of panic tore through whatever thin, emotional wall I put up to protect myself against the situation. Every single bit, every last shred of whatever I should've felt slammed into me with the subtlety of a roaring truck, and I crumbled under the pressure. Maybe it was a primal sense of fear, or maybe it was just pure, unadulterated terror, all I knew was that I just suddenly started bawling. As in, horrible, trembling sobbing.

A gut-wrenching wail escaped my lungs, and I began to sob violently into her shoulder.

"Mom, Mom, Momomomomom-" I blabbered incoherently, uncontrollably.

"Hush Baby hush. Shh, shh, shh..." She whispered right back, answering every single wailing call of mine with an equally shaky reassurance.