To Love the Rain

Chapter Twenty

If I said that everything would be sunshine and rainbows after, it'd be a lie.

Plain and simple.

I mean, I'm gonna die.

It sucked, and there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop it. Cystic Fibrosis would take me away faster than time could catch up to my bones, and for the first time, in a long time, I was perfectly at peace.

Why?

Because I wasn't scared.

I was ready.

I accepted it.

It was just another part of me.

There's a poem from the internet that really resonates with me.

First, I was dying to finish high school to get to college.

And then, I was dying to finish college and start working.

And then I was dying to marry and have children.

And then I was dying for my children to grow old enough for school so I could return to work.

And then I was dying to retire.

Now I'm dying... and suddenly I realize I forgot to live.

I would die, it was inevitable.

But before I did, I would truly, fully live.

The morning after, I took Melody with me back to my house. It was a Sunday, and the irony wasn't lost upon me either. The storm from the night before had ebbed to a light drizzle, and as the winter winds kissed my brow and the featherlight raindrops caressed my cheeks, I couldn't help but smile again.

It felt so good.

"No regrets, right?" I asked her once we stopped in front of my apartment.

Melody smiled at me. A soft, gentle one.

"No regrets."

I took a deep breath, and pushed open the door.

Thankfully, my mom didn't have to work.

She was already inside, pacing back and forth like a madwoman. Her gait was frantic, and hurried and stressed out and everything in between. When I finally opened the door, and set foot in the house, she had paused like a deer caught in the stoplights. Her eyes, golden hazel and shining like a pair of stars misplaced from the heavens, widened the sight of me.

"Baby?" She whispered hesitantly, as if she wasn't sure if this was real life, or a dream. "Baby, is that you?"

I clenched my jaw so hard my cheeks hurt.

Looking at her now, at the lines of stress carved deep into her face and the horrid dark bags beneath her eyes, I felt my heart break a little. Her once, youthful Aphrodite-like features were twisted into something else, something that only a mother could understand.

Oh God.

I did this.

Me.