spontaneous

therapy

therapy. wow.
i want a therapist. just someone to talk to. but i know going into it that i'd lie about everything and be as vague as i could.
most people get confused when i try to talk about almost anything. i'm BEYOND bad at explaining things but theres nothing i can do to make people understand so i just be quiet.
rewind to last chapter:

this torture is like being winded. like when someone kicks a ball and it hits you right in the gut and you feel like your going to DIE. if you don't know what i'm talking about congrats, its a terrible feeling. "getting the wind knocked out of you" is how people describe it, and its just that. when something or someone hits you hard enough in the chest, stomach, whatever all the air is forced oUT OF YOUR BODY AND YOU CANNOT BREATHE. you basically have no clue whats going on and it feels like death is waiting for you with a smile. its terrifying.

anyway, i've told my mom i want a therapist but thats money and considering i'm not diagnosed or traumatized i don't have a "real reason". plus i could just talk to her about my problems but for some reasons i can't because my body rejects words like dairy (i'm lactose intolerant).