Finding Yourself

Chapter 1 - The Beginning

“The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it...”

-Nicholas Sparks

The Beginning - Chapter 1

What is Life?... to me life was just the fact you are breathing but yet scientists cannot agree on an absolute definition to define this word. It seemed life means more then just the fact you can fill your lungs with oxygen.

This term life has more then just one meaning. It becomes an essential word that defines more then just you and I being able to wake up everyday to breath the same air. But also the reason why we are on this planet we call earth.

Life connects like a thread to our destiny the sole purpose of why we are still around fulfilling a sick joke of the gods. They take into pleasure of looking down at mankind fooling with ourselves of the happiness and sadness that life can offer. As human beings they test us daily from morning to night seeing if we would give into temptation or how we deal with different situations. But maybe it's just how I see the world from the eyes of a sinner like myself. This very existences of my being causes me grief every time I open my dull gray eyes.

As a new day dawns exposed to the brightness of the morning sun shinning through my lavender curtains passed down from my great aunt as an inheritance from her last summer. Fluttering with the wind the icy breeze hits my bare arms as I am greeted with the smell of oak trees and nature. This little joy makes a difference to my everyday routine.

Getting up in a sitting position my body aches still sore and lazy from the long extra shift I took yesterday at the night club replacing a friend of mine who just couldn't keep her hands away from a customer.

I make a quick inspection of my tiny apartment I owned after I moved out from the orphanage when I graduated from high school just a year ago. I stayed at the St. Mary's Orphanage For Girls for nearly half of my life. I wasn't adopted neither did I find out who left me on the side of the church with a letter that said "I'm sorry Anabelle," and to make matters worse I was 5 years old at the time.

I don't remember much about that particular moment though do I really care because whoever may have done that lost the best thing they could have had in their life. I'm not going to lie and say that my life was peachy because then I'll be lying to myself, and I know better to admit that. Being in an orphanage home wasn't joyful when you are surrounded with kids begging for attention from the nuns or just anyone to fill in the gaps in their own hearts.

I was one of the lucky ones not becoming one of the ratio of kids finding themselves in the grasp of "sugar-daddy's," or living on the streets without finishing high school. I kept my eyes in books throughout my childhood since it was the only place I felt belonging to, the only exception where I could be free like the bird I am.

Moving my legs out of bed, bracing myself for the impact of my skin coming in contact of the cold surface of the wooden floor I give one last push out of bed stretching my arms above my head.

Glancing at my alarm clock beside my bed I see that's It's only 10:00am, just enough time for me to get ready for school. Walking into my bathroom I take a good look at my reflection in the mirror only to see striking gray eyes looking back with dark circles under them while my raven black hair is tied in a messy bun. Looking real hard on my features that were always a mystery to me I can tell I wasn't ugly nor was I that stunning model in a magazine, but I knew I was unique in my own way.

Turning the tap on I splash some water on my face then taking out my tooth brush from the mirror/cupboard, after brushing my teeth I took my time to comb my wavy hair just enough to make it presentable leaving it to flow freely landing perfectly below the shoulders. Putting some top black eyeliner just to look decent to walk out the door. Walking to the closet I pick out a faded blue skinny jeans with a grace-foil polka top finishing the look with a simple diamond black owl chain that goes with the outfit. Leaving my bedroom I make my way towards the kitchen to fix up a late breakfast that consist of two toasted bread lettuce and a dash of mayo. Munching on the sandwich I pick up my school bag on the kitchen table with my change of clothes I'd change into for work after my class.

Walking out the door with my keys to my shaggy old car with the apartment key in my other hand with my other essential belongings needed I head straight to school.

As I take my seat in the front to get a better view of the professor teaching on sexual issues for helping the individual. My best friend Tessa finally shows up taking the seat I kept vacant for her arrival. With a playful smile on her mouth I know she's up to no good again.

"Bella you surely know how to leave a girl hanging last night don't you?" I say back to her remembering last night when she left me behind after work just to have a one night stand with a guy she met at the club I worked at every night from Wednesday to Friday called The Illusion.

"Honey it was one of the best time of my life!" she replies to me with one of her signature smirks. Rolling my eyes I give my full attention at the front not wanting to know the full meaning she meant.

After class was done we walked in union discussing about class and work tonight at the club and her hot night she piked at the club. "I swear girl you need to get lad, it's the best experience you can get!" she says in her cheery voice. Ignoring her constant taunts about me getting loose and 'enjoying being young'.

"Don't you need to be somewhere?" I ask her trying to change the subject.

"No I don't, but I know what we can do today" she replies

"If you are even thinking about us hitting the clubs I got news flesh I'm working." I answer in a forward tone because last time I went with her and Jacob another friend who works with us at the club. They both left me and used the excuse that they didn't see me around the club and thought I left...yeah right.

"Aw come on Bella can't you just let it go, we already said sorry that we ditched you, but in my defense I was outside making out with a guy" she adds looking down at the ground as we approach my rusty car.

Tessa can be called many things but she will always be Tessa to me. Not wanting to make her anymore said as she is I gave in.

"Okay fine but it gotta be after my shift" I point out to her

Looking happy as ever she give me a hug just in time for Jacob to show up.

"Did I miss something?" he says walking towards us.

"Well I just got Bella over here to say 'lets hit the party' whoopee" Jacob didn't seem to mind he just puts his arms around me in a friendly manner gives me a little tug. 

"You talking about my Bella?!" he gives me a smile and a faked a shock face.

"I know right!" Tessa includes hooking her arm with mine and her other arm with Jacob.

"Well buckos we gonna be partying our ass off"

"If chicks are included then you can count me in" Jacob says as we head our ways in the car. Tessa in front while I'm driving and Jacob at the back heading back to my place.

Thinking back to what I just agreed to I bang my head on the steering wheel while both my best friends blabber to my own demise

What did I just myself in to?

 A/N

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