Suffocated

⚜️18⚜️

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I remember my past clearly now; and I know there is no way to forget all this.

I blank out my mind and sink into the cosy armchair; then realise that I am sopping wet.

Damn.

I pick out my favourite onesie; it oddly calms my beating heart and go into the shower.

I am in the middle of a hot; relaxing shower with my peach body wash; the steam from
the shower making everything seem strangely unreal; fictional.

And then it happens again. The suffocating feeling.

It grips my lungs and weighs them down; the steam making me unable to breathe.

I collapse on the cool ceramic bathroom floor; hyperventilating; while the shower is still running.

The hot water of the shower suddenly becomes scalding hot; burning me; but I can't move.

I can't breathe.

It is as if a cold weight is weighing me down; refusing me to breathe ; refusing me to pass out and die at the same time.

This isn't  real ; Mist. I try to reason with myself as the feeling of suffocation grips me harder than it has before.

That woman isn't real. She is dead. You know she is dead.

You made sure she is dead.

My mind snaps; and a long erased memory clicks in my mind.

No. Not that memory again. No. I try to blank my mind. I try to breathe.

And then I see her. A spirit;in the steam of the hot water of the shower.

That same woman again. Her back facing me.

I can breathe again; sudden as the feeling is.

But the woman does not vanish.

I should feel vulnerable as I am naked in front of her; I guess; but all I feel is fear. Deep; dense fear for what I have done in the past.

"No". I try to say; but the whisper dies in my throat.

Taking support of the tap of the shower; I hoist myself  up from my position on the ceramic floor.

The woman stands at a distance from me; silent.

I turn off the shower; and expect the woman to scratch me again. Or threaten me again.

But it doesn't happen.

I wrap a towel around me; and stare at the woman.

Mist...
The spirit of the woman starts to speak in a unhuman voice.

I can't reply back. It's as if my voice box has been shut off completely.

You will have to repay for your sins. You will.

She says.

"I am. I am suffering; you b*tch." I gasp out.

"I have suffered for my entire lifetime. This time I won't. You made me lose my job. You are not letting me f*cking die."

I literally scream at her this time; my pitch increasing an octave at every word.

The wretched woman cackles in her awful voice at my retort;and continues.

You don't listen to me this time; Mist; you will be destroyed.
She seethes.

"I want to die. I don't want to do a single ******* thing for you. Why should I?!"

I snarl at her; my language getting worse at every passing second.

If you don't listen to me;Mist; then.....

The woman pauses and laughs loudly; her back still facing me.

"Then what huh?! Then will you finally kill me ?!" I ask her.

No; Mist. She laughs as if I cracked a joke she already knows.

If you don't listen to me; I will reveal your true identity and whatever you did last year. I still can bring back the weapon; Mist.

I can bring things back; even from the bottom of the sea in this case like I can make things disappear; like that bomb.

I stare at her; dumbstruck.

I feel the urge to commit suicide.

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