Your Loyal Servant

(25) Did We Start Another Fire?

For whatever reason, he stopped. I was so used to him pulling away to tilt his head the other way and kiss me from that angle; but this time, he didn't come back. He dropped his hand from the back of my neck, a silent signal that it was over.

My eyes opened and I focused on his face, trying to keep my expression stoic so he didn't realize I was upset with him for ending the kiss.

"Rosalind," he murmured, giving a jolt to my already pounding heart. An eyebrow quirked. "Is everything okay?"

My stoicism collapsed as my eyebrows lowered in confusion. "Yeah," I answered. "Why?"

The corners of his mouth lifted into a small smile. He gestured to us standing toe to toe and said, "Well, you just told me to kiss you—and you let me. Perhaps I'm missing something, but the mistress I know doesn't act in such a manner."

To keep the embarrassment at bay, I retorted curtly, "Well, you weren't complaining."

"I will do whatever you tell me to," he replied, and the glint in his eyes only confirmed it.

As I stared up at him, at his smooth features and silver eyes, the wheels in my head started turning. I realized that he reacted the way he should have. He was my loyal servant, after all. Whatever I asked of him, he would do it without a second thought. That was who he was, and I knew that. So why did I think this would prove anything? I was an idiot.

I let my eyes fall to the ground and I backed up a few paces. Sighing, I said, "Yeah, I know." Without another word, I whipped around to head back to my room.

But his hand gripped my arm to stop me. He turned me so I'd face him again, but I kept my eyes glued to the ground. He put a finger under my chin and lifted my head, forcing me to look at him—and he noticed the watery sheen glistening in my eyes. His eyebrows furrowed and he inquired, "Rosalind, what is wrong?"

The only thing I managed, because it was all I wanted to do, was shake my head.

His voice dropped to a pleading whisper. "Please, tell me."

Finally, I pushed his hand away and steeled my spine. Expression fierce, I stated, without room for remark, "This was a mistake."

Surprise opened his eyes wider. He hadn't expected me to say that. He opened his mouth to say something but he struggled with the words, so he just stood there in silence.

I scoffed, turning away. I paced as I continued in my rant. "Why did I think this was a good idea? Why did I think it would mean something? Why did I expect something different? You just did what I told you. That's it. There's no more to it. But I'm a complete idiot because I believed there would have been more. I'm nothing but a stupid idiot, and this was a mistake."

Howie grabbed my hand to cease my pacing. But he didn't pull me to face him. He kept my back to him as he said, barely above a whisper, "There was a point to this. You wanted something. But, what did you want?"

I didn't look at him as I answered just as quietly, "I wanted to know."

"Know what?"

"I wanted to know if you treated me differently than all those other girls who surround you all day long," I confessed.

The hold on my hand loosened, but he didn't let go. He remained silent behind me, probably processing what I had just said.

My free hand clenched into a fist as I explained, "It's so hard to tell who means more to you because you give everything that stupid adorable grin of yours. You're nice to everyone, so I don't know who you're nicest to. I have no idea who's more important to you."