Wistful Smile or Wishful Thinking

Chapter 6: Letters

Chapter 6: Letters

It was nine in the morning when the clock alarmed. Opening her still tired eyes, Jenna rubbed them as she lazily gazed over the windowsill. The sun had been shining brightly even though the rain was strong las night. She smiled in thought. The farmers would be so happy since the lands had been so dry for the past three years.

Sighing as she pushed herself out of bed, Jenna stretched her limbs and her body, yawning as she did so. She turned her head towards the door. It certainly was quiet, and not even Conrad's boisterous laugh could be heard. Jenna stood up from her bed and went outside. Heaving a sigh, she found the living room and the adjacent room empty. It was as if no one had come to visit her that week. Lazily dragging her feet to open the door, she suddenly caught in her peripheral vision some stacks of papers on the table. Jenna took them and combed through them.

Cassandra's letter read thus:

Dear Jenna. It's been nice seeing you here in Kansas. I didn't know how you've been since you left that night at the pool party. No one has heard of you ever since then. Some presumed, and I hope you forgive them, that you committed suicide. In my heart, I hope you did not. I didn't get to know you well, but I felt that you were very much misunderstood. I couldn't blame you for liking Curtis. I mean, who wouldn't? He's the jack-of-all-trades, he's smart, tall and handsome. But take my word for it: I've never once even thought about him at all. You knew that I was head over heels over Chase (and still am). But I feel sorry for you, Jenna. If only Curtis would have known you, you wouldn't be in a bad disposition. I'm sorry for saying this, but your flirting got way out of hand. Guys cower in fear when girls are too aggressive. He told me last night that he didn't like what you did. But he said that had you been a little discrete and prudent, he could have been your friend. But he said that he really didn't feel anything for you at all. However, looking at his eyes last night, I saw that...something was amiss. He kept glancing the other way whenever he talks about you. He smiled wistfully when Conrad asked him about you. Something's telling me something, Jenna, but I don't want to assume. I could be right, but I could be wrong. And I wish that Curtis had made the right decision between you two. We'll be going back to Boston tomorrow, and I hope you've settled your differences. I hope you're not angry at me for being honest with you. I hope I could tell you otherwise, but the cards had been laid on the table. Till we meet again. Cassy.

Tyler's letter read as such:

“Hey y'all! I know I've been a douchebag, but hey, you couldn't blame me, could you? To tell you the truth, I really spite you too. But I guess Curtis had gotten his reward. Ai't, mate? XOXO, Tyler.

Devon's letter sounded grim:

“Jenna, I know now in my heart that you've already known. I saw you that afternoon. I didn't want to intervene because I wanted to play karma for Curtis. I've seen the look on your face when Curtis kissed Amanda...when he caressed her and made love to her. You wished it was you, didn't you? Too bad, silly girl, the privilege is not yours. Curtis is already happy right now. I hope he didn't say anything last night to make you hope. It's good that you stayed away. You've been better off dead in our memories, especially in Curtis. Don't haunt him anymore. I'm just being honest here. If you want a duel, go to MIT and find me. I'll be waiting. -Devon.

Jenna's grip almost tore the paper as she read Devon's letter. She didn't know that everyone's “angel” was a demon in disguise. Had she known all along, she would have avoided him in high school. And so it was that Jenna walked to the shredder and shredded Tyler's and Devon's letters.

Conrad's letter made her calm down:

“Hey Jenna. I'm surprised we met here in Kansas. I just want to thank you for working on call and be the one to handle Curtis as your patient. Honestly, I felt neutral about you since high school. I didn't know you that much except from the stories in the guys' locker room. I wish I'd known you better. I thought you might be better than that. Curtis said he found you bothersome. But looking into your eyes, I see something else. What did you really want from Curtis? I can always see you smiling wistfully. Or where you thinking, wishing that Curtis would love you back? You know, he seems so mum about the topic too, like you were taboo. Let me take this time to say sorry on his behalf. But I didn't know what happened last night. I was hoping you and him were already in good terms. But I guess the closure of the story wasn't at hand, right? I bet if you remembered my girlfriend Lana? (Btw, she's my fiancee now). She said that she'd choose you for Curtis instead of Amanda. She felt that Amanda was just too good for him, and that Curtis deserves a feisty gal like you. I couldn't comment on that though. Anyway, thank you for being a very gracious host to us. Come see us in Boston when you can. Lana's been wanting to see you too. Give her a call, or at least give me a call. My number is ###-###-####. Lana's is ###-###-####. Take care always. Your friend, Conrad.

Jenna smiled. Yes, she indeed remembered Lana as the other feisty girl in class who acted all too anime-ish or an AKB-48-member-wannabe. But Conrad found her cute, and he didn't complain about her idiosyncrasy.

The last letter in the pile already gave shivers to Jenna. Sweat was slowly running down her face. Curtis was writing to her. This what he said:

“Jenna, I would like to thank you for saving my life...at least you did indirectly. I know I was being a jerk, asking you all those stupid questions. I thought that you were still the feisty girl I knew back in high school. But it seems I was wrong. Seeing the look of hatred in your eyes, I couldn't blame you. But truth be told, I don't want to feel guilty for making you feel that way. I didn't want to be responsible for what you have become right now. I know that you harbored those ill-feelings against me, and I felt them last night when we talked. I thought that when I finally gave you the closure you've been wanting for so long (I knew you deserve that), we would be at a truce. But I was wrong. I remembered you telling me once that it's always hard for you to forgive and forget. I know I cannot ask for your forgiveness. Nor have I forgiven you totally for the misery you caused me. But do you know what? It hurts me that I cannot make peace with you while we saw each other here. You said you didn't believe in coincidence. Tell me, why were we at this place, at this particular moment, and at this particular time? Do you think this is God's way of telling us to make amends? I know in my heart that I''ve done you no wrong, Jenna. I've always been honest about my feelings for you. Platonic as it may have been, you mistook my friendship for something else. I got my head straight. I hope you've straighten yours. Last of all, I was glad I finally got to see you after all those years. I'm not like you who harbor ill-feelings. I just wanted to know how you have been. I just wanted to know what you've been doing, how life had been to you, and if someone had finally made you happy and made you forget me altogether. I just...missed you. There were something in the way you were ten years ago that I wished I saw in you when we met again. And that I couldn't pinpoint. I hope you'd come to talk to me again. I really do. I'm sincere in this one, Jenna. Please give me a chance to be your friend again. -Love, Curtis.

 

Warm tears of regret streamed down Jenna's closed eyes. She kissed Curtis's letter, whispering. “I had wanted to be open to you, Curtis, I do. I've been wanting to call you for the past ten years, I almost did...but I couldn't.”