In the Arms of Rain (Ville Valo)

23 - Gone With The Sin

Back at the hotel, we hurried into my room before going to greet Ville and the others. The more I thought about it, the more anxious I felt, and as Lulu fetched me a glass of water and I stared at the single, blister-packed pill in my hand, the weight of what I had done and what I was about to do hit me.

'I can't believe I was so stupid...' I sighed. 'I can't believe we were so stupid.'

Lulu sat next to me on the bed, placing the glass of water on the table and putting her arm around me. 'Hey, don't be so hard on yourself. Everyone's decision-making gets a bit clouded in the heat of the moment, and you're in love with Ville. I'm actually surprised you've only done it once.'

I scoffed. 'Well, have you ever had to take Plan B?' 

Lulu bit her lip. 'No, but...I know lots of women who have. Seriously, loads. Now look, would you stop beating yourself up and just swallow the damn thing? Then you can forget about this whole thing and just be more careful in future.'

I nodded, sighing, and popped the pill out of the packet and swallowed it quickly with a sip of water.

'There.' Lulu said, rubbing my back. 'Everything's fine.'

I nodded again, sighing one last time, before forcing a smile, standing up and saying, 'right. We should go and let them know we're back! Don't mention this to Ville, okay?' I added, throwing the plastic packet and cardboard box in the wastepaper. I knew everything was probably fine, but I knew I wouldn't be able to fully relax until I could be sure. What if it didn't work? What if it was too late? What if...I actually got pregnant? 

Lulu seemed to read my mind. 'You look like you need to take a minute. Go and splash some water on your face; you can't let Ville see you all clammy if you don't want him to know what's up.'

I nodded, taking a deep breath, and doing as I was told.

After a couple of minutes, I checked myself in the mirror to make sure I wasn't visibly nervous, and finally felt like I could convincingly pretend that everything was normal. We were about to leave our room when there was a knock on the door. I guessed it was Ville checking if we were back yet.

I opened the door to see him standing, grinning, with a tray of cups of coffee and slices of cake. 'I figured you'd be back by now, and that you'd be hungry,' he said as I smiled at him and let him in. He put the tray down on the dressing table, gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before gathering Lulu into his arms and giving her a big hug.

'Welcome, Lulu, it's good to see you again,' he said. 

She laughed, hugging him back. 'It's good to see you, too. I'm sorry to turn up out of the blue. Thank you for accommodating me.'

'It's no problem at all. If Nina is glad you're here, and I think she is, then I'm glad, too.'

I couldn't hold back my smile as he wrapped his arm around my waist. I hoped the pill would work, but perhaps it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if it didn't. I bit my lip, forcing that thought back down to my ovaries where it had obviously snuck up from; I had no room in my life for crazy ideas like that. 

We stayed together in the hotel room for a while, talking, Lulu explaining to Ville exactly what had happened at her job and why she had come to LA. Ville nodded understandingly, and mentioned that he would look into opportunities for her. After a while, Lulu started yawning more and more frequently, and Ville took the hint that he should leave and let her get some sleep.

'Nina, shall we go and get some dinner? Let's leave Lulu to get some rest for a while,' he said. I nodded, seeing that Lulu's eyelids were already drooping. I smiled at her, put my shoes back on and followed Ville out.

He took me to a nearby restaurant, nothing special, just somewhere to sit and grab a bite to eat. Somehow, being alone with him made me nervous again; I had somewhat forgotten about it when we were talking with Lulu, but now he was sitting opposite me, looking serious, and anxiety started to creep up on me again.

Then, he sighed. 'Is it just me, or is there an elephant in the room?'

I bit my lip. 'I guess there is .'

He sighed again. 'I...I didn't realise you were so freaked.'

'I wouldn't say freaked...' I replied. 'It was just playing on my mind, and I figured...'

Ville took my hand from across the table. 'You figured you would...sort it out. I saw the Plan B box in your room.'

'Well, I had to do something,' I said, rather snappily. 'What would you have done?'

'No, no,' Ville said, soothingly. 'I just wanted to say, firstly, that I'm really glad you took responsibility when I didn't. Secondly, that I'm so sorry, Nina, that I put this on you, left it all up to you without even talking about it. I...well, firstly I shouldn't have been careless in the first place, and then I should have talked it over with you and we could have handled it together.'

This time, I sighed. With relief. 'So you think I did the right thing? You're not mad?'

He chuckled. 'Why would I be mad? I wish you didn't think you had to keep it from me, but no, of course I'm not mad.' 

I giggled. 'I'm so relieved. Okay, okay, it's been a really weird day and I'd like to forget all about it now, please.' I grabbed a menu, indicating that I was starving and it was time to change the subject.

Ville laughed. 'Alright, it's forgotten. But let's make a deal, okay? No more secrets.'

I nodded, smiling. 'No more secrets. And no more unprotected sex.'

He laughed again, also starting to browse the menu. 'Deal.'