You're a Funny Guy // Klance

1

Children are idiots. Children are delusional morons who believe the world revolves around their every need and service. And of course, it's not their fault. Parents spoon-feed their children with the illusion that their future is bright. They smother their precious babies in false ideas about how great life is for grown-ups.

Lance had always known life wasn't fair. He doesn't remember the horrifying moment he realized people were greedy and constantly indulged in the pleasure of making his life insufferable; he just always knew. Maybe it was the way he watched his parents struggle to pay the bills, or maybe when he'd seen the way people you trust with your existence could turn on you in seconds.

Even after his mom remarried and Lance finally experienced what it was like to have money, the kid still noticed every unfair thing every one around him did. He didn't blame them. Apparently it's human nature to be greedy and want more until you were stuffed and ready to burst from the seams. And when Lance graduated high school, his step dad supplied him with the money he needed to go to college. The thing is, Lance didn't want college. He wanted to go out with friends and party, and he'd make his money by delivering mail or something.

But of course Lance couldn't decline such a huge amount of money, and if he dropped out the guilt of wasting his step dad's hard-worked cash would possibly kill him. He felt trapped and stuck in a situation he hated being in. Lance felt that feeling in his stomach every time his parents Skyped him to ask how he's doing, and each time he had to lie right to their sweet faces.

To make matters even worse, his step dad wanted him to get a job. Lance had applied to what seemed like hundreds, and was only accepted by three. The first one was a shop in the mall that sold bath bombs and fragranced soaps, which Lance had only applied to for backup (he wouldn't have taken it anyway). The second one was at Starbucks, but one of his college friends told him to decline that offer because the job was stressful and hours were outrageous. The last one, which Lance accepted, was at McDonald's.

"Yeah, I know everyone applies to McDonald's, but it will give me enough money to buy extra stuff I want." Lance had told his mom as he awkwardly shifted on his bed. They were chatting on Skype before Lance had to go to bed. The rest of the conversation was quick but sweet, and after profusely saying goodbye and "love you, Lancey", Lance's mom ended the call.

Falling asleep was always hard for Lance. He had so many distractions, like his phone buzzing or his roommate, Hunk, walking around in the middle of the night (it helped him, so Lance never said anything) or even the unfinished reports he didn't have to have finished for days. Tonight wasn't that different, except for the fact that Lance had his last day until Spring Break to look forward to. Hunk came in about an hour later, so Lance took this opportunity to catch up with his friend.

"Hey, Hunk," Lance rolled over, facing his roommate as he removed his shoes and plopped onto his soft bed. The comforters beneath him crumpled slightly, and the items sitting on top of the cushions slipped towards his hips. "Are you doing anything for Spring Break?"

Hunk yawned while nodding his head, "Yup, and I was just about to ask you that. I'm going to see this comedy show Pidge -- you know her, she goes to lunch with me a couple times a week -- really wants to see. She has an extra ticket if you wanna come."

"Who's the comedian?" Lance asked, sitting up slowly. Hunk held up one finger and grabbed his laptop. After typing for a few seconds, he flipped the screen around to show Lance a YouTube video.

"He's pretty popular for being our age." Hunk added as Lance crawled forward, his long legs hitting a couple of the clothes and various items clouding the floor. Clicking the spacebar, the video started.

The black screen faded to a stage lined with blue lights and a simple black stool perched in the middle of it. There sat a lean boy with shaggy raven hair, the blue light causing the top of his head to glow a sapphire aura. The crowd cheered, and he smiled slightly, pearly teeth flashing behind his rosy lips. As he began to talk, the comedian's angular eyes would flutter and blink slowly, showing off his long lashes and a strange glitter sprinkled over them. The glitter also branched out under his eyes and along his brow bone.

"Thank you so much, everybody," his voice rang out into the microphone, silencing the crowd. His vocals were a little raspy and rough, but had a sort of comedic sound to it. "My father used to say that he thinks I act too flamboyant on stage, and I said, 'Oh yeah, prove it'." As the comedian finished his joke, he tossed sparkling pieces of glitter up into the air dramatically. Hunk and Lance snorted at that a little. (Line from Bo Burhham's standup, 2013 Just for Laughs Festival in Montreal)

Hunk stopped the video and pointed out the video's title. "His name is Keith Kogane, I think. Pidge somehow knows him and wants to see one of his shows."

"Woah, she knows this guy?!" Lance asked, his mouth opening in shock. Hunk laughed lightly and nodded. He leaned back on the bed, its creaking joining in harmony with the chuckle. Lance grabbed the computer, wrapping his long fingers around the screen and pulling it towards him. He sat down on the floor, scooting so his back was against Hunk's bed.

"She supposedly knew him when she was younger. They went to some 'smart school' together." Hunk explained, leaning his elbows in his knees and looking over Lance's shoulder.

"Ugh, I hope we don't have to deal with another Pidge." Lance rolled his eyes before quickly adding, "Just kidding!"

"We don't even know if he'll remember her." Hunk pointed out. "Also, he dropped out of the school, and Pidge would never do that."

Lance was looking through some of his other videos. Each time the set up of the stage was different. Some had giant screens behind the comedian and other times he wasn't even on a stage at all, just sitting down in front of a crowd at some type of convention. Keith Kogane must've been doing comedy for a while, because some of the acts went all the way back to 2011. Those were usually just the young teen surrounded by maybe fifty people and doing his acts without a microphone.

"So, will you go? Or are you just gonna keep watching his videos?" Hunk nudged Lance with his knee. Lance obviously said yes, so Hunk texted Pidge before taking back his laptop. "I'm going to bed, I have a final in the morning."

"Mkay, goodnight." Lance stood up and stretched out his long limbs. As Hunk tucked himself in, he told Lance they were going tomorrow night and would probably be drinking. Lance was always glad Hunk told Lance when they were going to drink, because then he could remind himself to get an Uber or a drive home from Pidge, who isn't a fan of drinking.

As Lance slipping under his sheets, a few buzzes from his phone motivated him to pick it up and scroll through it. After checking various apps and even texting his friend Matt from General Physics, Lance forced himself to plug his phone in and shut his eyes. The only sound was the air conditioning whirring noisily and Hunk's breathing or bed creaking from him shifting in his sleep. The best thing about the night was that Hunk didn't pace at three in the morning, which meant he wasn't stressed. The fact that his closest friend wasn't stressed made Lance relax into his bed a little.