YuZhou Fan Fics

Album 1

It's another meeting for Zhouzhou with his team. Well, making an album also involves a lot of meetings and this is another one. Zhouzhou is glad at least his album can help him deal with the loss of Jingyu's existence in his life.

He's been like Jingyu's fan over these few weeks. He'll check Jingyu's status on the social media everytime he has free time. He'll think about what happens with that guy if there's a new post or even when there's none.

A phone call could answer all of his questions but he manages to stop himself. Whenever he wants to call or whenever he has a second thought about their breakup, he'll remember the ban and the future for them. 

After he has time to think about their relationship, Zhouzhou knows it's not just about the ban. In this business, in this industry, it's hard to survive with their relationship. They will grow up and their world will expand. 

It was already hard to make time for themselves. And at some point, they won't have time together. It's their time to shine and spread their wings. They can't worry about their relationship. It's better to end it sooner than later.

"I've been thinking. I know I said I want this album is about heartbreak but to make it special and different from the rest I have some ideas."

"Well, let's hear it."

"Oh, the first song is still 'Leave Me Alone'. I heard it's already in process. And the next one is.. I want to talk about heartbreak because of the world," Zhouzhou tries to explain his next idea.

"The world?"

"Yes. You know, the world can break our hearts as well. With the pressure and all. That's a kind of heartbreak as well, right? I already have the music for it I just need help with the lyrics."

Zhouzhou remembers that night when he's so upset about his breakup. Angry about how unfair the world is. He wrote a song to express his anger that built up so far. He even wrote the lyrics as well but thought there's too much anger in it. And it's just too personal. 

He thoughts perhaps everything will be different if he's stronger. If he could just be strong and fearless to face everything the world throws at him. If he could just follow his heart and keep smiling. 

Since he loves Jingyu, and he still does, he always wonders why does he need to be the same with everyone else to be accepted? What's wrong with being different? At least people he cares about accept him. So why is it not enough for him? What is he scared of?

He knows he can't just blame the world. If he's stronger he will be fine. He knows there's something else that's troubling him. He needs to figure it out fast before it's all too late.

At least his anger's spent productively. He feels a lot more relieve once he expressed his anger that night. Shouting and singing at the same time. Only if he did it sooner. Maybe he's still with Jingyu.

"Oh, and I wrote another song. I mean, I wrote the lyrics but it's still not done," Zhouzhou takes out his notebook. 

He wrote this next song when he's in so so so much pain because of missing Jingyu. He still misses that silly guy. His silly guy. 

Unlike Jingyu who drinks away his pain, not that Zhouzhou notices, he cuts back on booze for his voice. And he's also scared to do something stupid. At least Jingyu and Zhouzhou still have something in common.

Zhouzhou puts all of his time, heart, and mind into this album and his songs. He let all of his feelings flow and inspire him to write songs. That's also why he's clearer with his feeling and hurting more at the same time.

He remembers all the things Jingyu did for him. Even the smallest things such as calling when he's lonely. Hearing his voice should be enough for him that time. Oh, how he misses Jingyu's voice right now. He knows he'll cry if he could just hear Jingyu calls his name softly right now. 

He misses Jingyu so much. His warmth. His voice. His silliness. His kindness. His everything.

That cycle between missing Jingyu and convincing himself it's for the best keeps on repeat. He just can't stop thinking about Jingyu. He wishes he could forget. He wishes he won't forget. He doesn't know what he wants.

He only knows that he's lucky to have Jingyu. He was lucky to be with Jingyu. He was lucky. Even with all the ups and downs. He was.

-- -- --

Jingyu doesn't know about Zhouzhou's songs or thoughts or feelings. He still does his work properly. So very professional of him. 

But once in a while, he'll call his manager to stay with him. He needs someone to keep his phone and make sure he won't do anything stupid. After the first try, he's been doing it for a few times more.

He drinks until he's blackout. He won't remember anything the next morning. He knows he was crying because of the state of his eyes but he can always deal with it in time.

Only his manager knows what he did every night he blackouts. The things he did. The things he said. Jingyu remembers nothing and his manager never says a thing. That manager only acts gentler and gentler after Jingyu's blackout so he just sees the silver lining. Why reject the good in this stormy life?