YuZhou Fan Fics

Choice

It's been a few days since the last time Jingyu talk with Zhouzhou. He misses that beautiful voice of his lover but that guy wouldn't pick up his call or open the door. It's not the first for him so he doesn't think it's anything different. But somehow he knows the change will eventually happen.

Jingyu sits alone watching tv in his place. There's still no news from Zhouzhou. Suddenly he hears the door opens. He hopes it's the one person he's been waiting for so he gets up and runs to see. It's either Zhouzhou or his manager and it's almost midnight, so he really has his hope up.

"Zhouzhou," he jumps and hugs the smaller guy. How he misses his sweet scent and warmth.

"Sorry I disappeared like that. I just have a lot to think about."

Jingyu doesn't answer and just lead them both to the couch to talk. They really need to talk. Jingyu sees the red eyes of his lover and feels his pain already but he's been thinking as well.

"You've been thinking. So what's the conclusion?" Jingyu tries to make the conversation light with his teasing but the atmosphere is still dark.

"I don't know. I can't come up with a conclusion, an answer, or whatever you call it. It's just so painful," Zhouzhou can't stop the tears from forming in his eyes. "It's painful to see you. It's more painful to not see you. But then it's like I can't breathe. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to expect."

Jingyu pulls the other guy into his embrace. It always comforts him but not tonight. Zhouzhou keeps crying and Jingyu starts to cry as well. He doesn't know it hurts his heart so much hearing Zhouzhou's sobs. 

"I don't know either. It's like the longer we seek for an answer, the further it runs away from us. Love should be enough. Trust should be enough. We even have the courage to face the world. But I... I just can't see the answer, Zhou. What's the best answer for us?"

Zhouzhou keeps crying and Jingyu can only choke his tears back. He needs to be strong when the other guy breaks down. But deep down he's breaking as well. 

They stay in each other embrace for hours before Zhouzhou finally calms down. "I'm sorry. I love you so much. I do."

"I love you so much too."

The couple looks into each other eyes and sees how much they're loved and it makes it more painful. "But we can't stay this way forever," Zhouzhou takes the initiative to talk.

"I know."

Zhouzhou takes both of Jingyu's hands into his and says, "I am happy with you. I will always be happy with you. But it gets tiring. This situation is just..."

Jingyu forces a smile, "I know." Jingyu puts more strength into his holds. Sadness fills his eyes and he knows what's coming.

"It's just like what you said. The longer we stay in this situation, it will get more complex. And it's killing us. We won't be able to see a solution. We will only run in darkness," Zhouzhou continues his sentence.

"When you think about it, back then we really enjoy the challenge. We have nothing to lose. We just have our love and we brace ourselves to challenge the world and prove our love is right. But now we have so much to lose..."

"You know I don't mind losing everything," Zhouzhou cuts Jingyu sentence. He really doesn't mind losing everything if only there's a certainty they'll be together. But there's no guarantee and that's why it's more tiring. Can they be together? How?

Jingyu touches Zhouzhou's cheek and erases every trace of his tears. "I don't mean that. But that's a fact. We have our own road to take. I don't know what will await us at the end of our roads, but you will have more success and so will I. We will meet a lot of new people and perhaps meet another love. There will be more scandal that people will also forget about us."

"I don't want another love. I love you. I just want to be free. I'm sick of feeling suffocated." Zhouzhou doesn't want to hurt Jingyu. That's the last thing he wants but he also knows this will hurt both of them. He just tries his best to avoid that pain.

Jingyu knows exactly what kind of person his lover is. He knows their situation will take its toll on Zhouzhou first. So he prepared himself for these past few days. He'll do anything to make Zhouzhou happy.

"I know. But we're scared to think of the possibility of another love because then we will forget our love. Afraid that our love is not real. Afraid that it's just a mistake," Jingyu stares right into Zhouzhou's eyes. Still full of love.

"I know it's not a mistake. We'll never forget it. None of us will regret it."

Jingyu kisses his lover's forehead softly. "That's all I need to hear. Listen to me, Zhou. I promised I won't run away again from us so I won't. But you have the choice. I won't run away but you can."

"What are you saying?"

"If you're tired, you can take a break. I can't promise you anything but just know it's not your fault nor mine. We just need to get away from this situation and you're right about it."

Zhouzhou hugs his lover so tight. He knows what Jingyu means. As cruel as it might seem, putting all the responsibility into his hands, Zhouzhou knows Jingyu just prepares him for the pain. Both of them will be in pain. Zhouzhou can't run away from the pain once he makes his choice.

No matter how he tries to coat his words with sugary words. No matter how many excuses and comforts he found. The pain will become real. They will need to get through it. It will all depends on his choice.