Things Are On My Mind

1.

Me going to a new school is hard and scary. im constantly worried if i did something wrong. even when i did nothing. people constantly make fun of me, not just at school but kids from my old school and from elementary school too. I feel like I'm going to explode. that's what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid of myself. I'm afraid I'm going to blow up in front of everyone. have no respect. am I even sane anymore? will anyone respect me less than they do now? they won't respect me more. everyone's scared of people losing respect for them. we are all afraid of blowing up infront of everybody and nobody liking them. everybody judges us for being human. for us having feelings. I don't want to turn into what I was at my old house. turning to violence like it's the answer. I've noticed it's not and that's the reason I've always had trouble making friends. I still have trouble. but not as bad of a trouble. I made more friends now than I've ever had at once. wait, can I call them friends? they call me their friend.. I think. I'm scared nobody thinks of me as a friend. just uses for me cuz I share my food and candy. that's what I've learned. that if you don't use violence but instead feed somebody, you'll make more friends. because nobody likes a girl that has short hair, bottles up her feelings, and does everything a guy would be known to do. I'll still fight for you. I'll fight all the boys you are too scared to fight. I still appreciate you even though you hate me. even though we fought and I still have any positive feeling for you. because I'm scared you would want me back if I hate you. nobody will want to be around me if I show hatred. towards anybody if I show hatred towards you, I'm so, so sorry. I didn't mean it. I was never taught that was right unless necessary so don't EVER think my parents taught me that's how I should be. because they didn't. it's just how I ended up growing. this is all I've wanted to say but I'm too scared to say. nobody would feel the same. because everybody else has a differentl lifestyle. they didn't grow the same way I did. they've never seen what I've done to others. so they think I'm pure. and honestly I'm trying to be the best I can be without exploding my feelings onto everybody.