"LIFE"

Sincerity in Love

We want to know we are sincerely loved for who we are. We want to know that it is with sincere motives that those who love us say and do the things they say and do for us. We want to know a love that enables us to trust without fear of being unloved and rejected. We want a love that remains loyal and faithful to us no matter what happens. We want to be loved sincerely. And that is how others want to be loved by us as well.

Sincerity is most evident when we are honest and truthful with others. It requires us to be our true selves rather than manipulate others into believing we are someone we’re really not. No one likes to be lied to or deceived. Lies and deception destroy trust. Betrayal of trust is probably the worst relationship pain we can experience. Without trust, relationships do not have a strong and solid foundation upon which to be built. Without trust we may question and doubt that we are truly loved. It is only when there is trust that we feel safe enough to open up our hearts to others and grow more sincere in our love.

Often times we say we “love” something or someone simply because of what it/they can do for us and because it/they meet our needs. We unabashedly profess our love for the newest phone we just bought. Or exclaim how much we love our favorite restaurant in an effort to convince our friends to eat there with us. Maybe some of us have even come home after a day at work proclaiming our love for the coworker who brings cookies for the whole office every Wednesday.

Do we really love them though? Why do we say we love all these things?

We love our phone because it makes our life simpler with its updated, high-speed technology. We love our favorite restaurant because of the wonderful patty melt or because the servers treat us especially well. We love our coworker because, well, the cookies she brings are downright delicious! Is this really love?

So often our “love” for people and things often lies within selfish means. We “love” them because of what they do for us or because they bring fulfillment and happiness to our immediate needs. When we love something simply because it benefits ourselves, our love is selfish and insincere. In Roman’s 12:9 the apostle Paul expresses that our love must be quite the opposite: “Love must be sincere.”

What, then, is sincere love?

Well, the next eight verses continue to describe a love that is selfless, not selfish. It is one of self-denial, not self-determination. Showing sincere love is being “other-minded,” placing the needs and interests of others in front of your own.

Our society tells that love is something based on emotions. It tells us that love is something you feel, and when you no longer have the affectionate feeling you once had, the love is gone. This is a huge lie to which many people fall prey. Not once does Paul mention love as a feeling. In fact, love is something one must do, despite changing feelings and emotions. Our scripture reading today is full of action words: “Be devoted… Honor… Be joyful… Share… Practice… Bless… Rejoice.” Love is an action! Read Romans 12:9-16 once more, and this time take note of the instances Paul mentions love being for our own benefit. How many did you find? What we see in this passage is a reflection of the love Christ displayed towards us and a model of what our love towards others should be. A love where we honor one another above ourselves, share with the needy, practice hospitality, and are willing to associate with people of low position. It is a selfless, sacrificial love.

Saying we “love” something is commonplace for many of us. It is a part of daily language and a habit that is hard to break. I am not asking you to change the way you speak. However, the next time you exclaim, “Oh, I love _____!”, may it remind you of what love really means. May it remind you that love is not a feeling, but an action. Act today by selflessly serving those around you as Christ loved us in laying down his life.

What does sincerity in love mean?

What does sincerity in love mean?

For me, sincerity in love boils down to honesty and understanding. And not just that you are honest with your partner and that you are understanding of your partner, but also with yourself. That you don’t try to deceive yourself and make yourself see things that aren’t there or make yourself not see things that are. That you understand how you feel and why you feel things, and that your partner tries to understand you and tries to understand aspects of you.

It means to accept truths that might be difficult. It might be that you aren’t supporting of your partner’s hopes and dreams, or that you only prefer certain aspects about them and are disgusted by others, or that your partner has political or religious stances that you find horrific, or they may find certain sexual acts to be deal breakers where you find them incredibly erotic.

It means taking all of that information you have with you and your partner and weighing it all up and seeing, with as much honesty and integrity as you can, where this relationship fits into your life and your existence. It’s about seeing where this love fits with you and doing so by being open with yourself and understanding of your wants and needs.

For me, to be sincere in love means to be honest and open, and not just by telling your partner the truth but by telling yourself the truth as well.