bookends {lh/au}

three

"Alex! Please turn the TV down! I've asked you four times!" I slammed my bedroom door with a huff. I was in a terrible mood and all I wanted was peace and quiet and to get out of my stupid house. That was the thing about Natalie, she knew and understood how much it sucked here, and she always seemed to know just what to do or where to go just to make me feel better. But now I'm stuck here and she's gone.

I grabbed a new book I had snatched from the store today and spent the remainder of my Monday night getting lost in a world so much better than mine.

I faintly hear the beeping of my alarm and try to remember when I actually fell asleep. Too early to be awake. I lazily roll out of bed and proceed to go through my sloppy morning routine. I throw on a ripped pair of jean shorts that are probably too short to be wearing to work, but May won't comment on it, and a tank top covered in Xmen. Another plus about working at the bookstore: we don't have uniforms, just lanyards with our name tags.

I scribbled a note to Alex saying that I can pick up some dinner on the way home and then grabbed the car keys from the counter. I have to use my mom's car to get around. As long as I'm back in time for her night outings, I can come and go as I please. I find it very embarassing that I just graduated high school, yet here I am, in my mother's car, with no plans for the future..

Work was slow today. It wasn't that we didn't have many customers, because we had a lot more than yesterday. It also wasn't that it was quiet even, because May and Anna were more animated than usual today. The problem was that every time the door opened, I found myself looking for a tall blonde boy.

He didn't come in today.

I shouldn't have been this dissappointed.

+

I heard it the second I walked into the house: yelling, shouting, the pure sound of a child's disappointment.

"You said you'd come back, Dad! It's been three months!" I heard my little brother's voice crack as he screamed at my father.

Alex was younger than Jase and I, well he was thirteen, but he still didn't understand why Dad left and that he probably wouldn't be back for a long, long time. I barely understood, but I understood enough to know he wasn't going to just pop back into town and make everything okay again. I guess Jase really understood, because he decided to run away too. Instead of prancing off to California, he opted to let the military take him away from all this crap at home. He left as soon as Mom and Dad started having problems. He's been home twice since. He's twenty-three now, I think. I might miss him more than Dad.

Whenever Dad calls Alex, the conversation is the same. It always starts out nice and cordial until that turns to Alex yelling and Dad trying to explain. I always retreat to my room before I can hear how it ends. Tonight, I set the take-out bag on the kitchen table and immediately do just that.

I wish Natalie would call. I know she's probably really busy and that I'm really not what's important right now, but that doesn't stop me from wishing she would.

+

I woke up in a fog the next morning. I can tell today will be bad before I even get out of bed. I lazily throw on a pair of shorts and an unmatching tshirt and run a brush through my light hair before heading on my way.

My hair was long, nearly reaching my lower back. It was one of those unattractive, not blonde-not brown colors, and it went awkwardly with my barely-blue eyes. If you could imagine a combination of brown and blue that looks brown but is considered blue, that would be it. I also wouldn't be considered fat, or remotely fat I guess, I'm just not necessarily skinny. My skin is pale now, but Natalie and I used to get supermodel-tan over summer (well, as tan as I could with all of my freckles). A downfall was that I wasn't, and still am not, very tall, but not at all short either. That was me. A girl of almosts and sort-ofs, and half-this-half-thats. Almost happy, still sort of pessimistic. Half normal, half irreconcilably weird.