Dietary Journal 1.
August 21, 2012
I didn’t choose this life. Okay, maybe I did. But, I didn’t know that it’d be this hard to get out of it. I am constantly under a huge burden; and according to the woman on the Weight Watchers, “It takes only 8 weeks to lose 10 lbs!” It’s not that easy, trust me. When I reached 197 lbs, I just didn’t give a shit anymore. I was already big, and can only get bigger from there. It started when I was in the seventh grade. I had braces, yes, with the full head gear. I had frizzy black hair, and tons of little pimples. Gassy Jassy they would call me. My best friends were Twinkies and Hot Cheetos. They really did help me through everything. Freshman Year, winter formal, when my date ditched me for some other girl. Twinkies and Hot Cheetos were there to comfort my aching soul. Sophomore year, when I sat in the lunchroom alone, they were there. I just can’t let go of them. Even when I do, I always go back to them.
I bet you’re wondering about my family, and how they feel about all this. I know they’re disappointed in me. I can see it every time they look at me, and it’s hard not to look at me. I literally sit in the living room, and take up the entire couch. Dad shakes his head every time I reach for the soda can. Mom, is always concerned with my health. Making me eat vegetables and drink lots of water. But, when she’s not looking I always swap the veggies for chips. My little sister, Annabel. Obviously got the better genes, in the family. I would sometimes just stare at her, as she got ready for school. She never even glances in my direction, pretending I’m not there. I would do the same if I was her, and she was me. But, who am I kidding. No one wants to be me. Annabel with her perfect small body, sleek black hair, flawless skin, and big brown eyes. I haven’t looked in a mirror in ages. Sometimes I see reflections of myself here and there. But, I only glance and see a blob.
“Jasmine? Want to go on a walk, sweetie?” My mom asks in her concerned voice. I shake my head and stuff my mouth with another handful of chips. The salty crunch calms me. I watch as she stands up and walks out of the room. Usually, she would question me and scold me for my eating habits. But, today it was different. She walks out of the room and into my father’s office room. Curse the people who built my home, with its thin walls.
“I can’t do this anymore, Seth.” I hear my mother crying.
“I know me either. She doesn’t know that she can die from this.” I hear my father comforting her. Another handful of chips.
“She’s not even trying anymore. I feel like her soul is being trapped inside her body.” Trapped? Trapped.
“We can do what the doctor said. It would cost a lot, but I feel its worth it.” He says and I can hear him pacing back and forth.
“We can’t, Seth. It’s too dangerous, and she could be in the hospital for months.” Months? What are they talking about? I dig my hand into the bag and grab another handful.
“We have to do this Candice. For her own good.” I listen as I hear their footsteps. The door opens and they enter the living room. My mother’s eyes are bloodshot, and she is shaking. Father is holding onto her arm, and gently leads her to the couch. My hands dig for more, but I’ve already gone through the entire bag. I lick the crumbs off of my fingers.
“Annabel! Come here!” He calls and I hear her tiny little footsteps. She walks in her hair in a high bun, and her eyes wide in concern. She looks at me and quickly looks away.
“We have to talk to you girls about something.” Dad starts. Where are the Twinkies?
“What, daddy?” Annabel asks, sitting on top of the kitchen counter.
“Jasmine is going to have surgery.” My jaw drops. But it doesn’t drop far because, the fat of my neck catches it.
“W-what?” I ask, my voice cracking.
“We didn’t know if it would ever result to this. But you kept eating and eating. Despite our constant advice. Now it has reached a breaking point between life or death. Jasmine you will die if you keep continuing these habits.” My mom breaks out in a sob. My mouth runs dry.
“There are tons of people who go through this process. It is expensive, but your life is worth more than that.” He adds. Tons. TONS. My mother sobs, and Annabel sobs with her. I try and focus on the fan above us. Spinning around. and around.
