I adore you || Jikook

01

✨ adoration✨
deep love and respect
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Jungkook pov:

When I was fifteen, my teacher once told me that one could never go wrong if they just "do right." I never really thought much of his words. His perception of "right" was very different from mine. He was your regular prejudiced, old man who listened intently to the sermon every Sunday morning. Preaching on in class about how "The homosexuals are damned to hell." and "Marijuana is of the devil." I of course let all of this go through one ear and out the other. It was pure torture sitting through that class, having to listen to someone spit out harsh opinions on something they knew nothing of.

Especially when you were the epitome of something they despised.

Gay.

I knew I wasn't a bad person. God works differently in everyone's life and if he didn't want me to be this way, then I wouldn't be. It's as simple as that. It really amazes me how inconsiderate how some people could be.

This school wasn't exactly the most accepting place. It was tough trying to walk to class hearing homophobic slurs thrown at me. I even tried dating a few girls to "fit in." It never worked though. I was always uninterested and they all knew it.

I used to let all the negativity get to me, but after a while I stopped caring. I finally stopped trying to erase that part of me.

I wasn't completely happy with myself, but I was content. I knew who I was. That's all that mattered. Everything was fine.

I thought.

Guess that's why I'm here, two years later smoking my problems away right?

My back was firmly pressed against the side of my old, crusty school building. I could feel the grooves of the rough, gritty, brick wall digging into my back, slowly but surely leaving small indentions. My thin, light t-shirt being not quite thick enough.

I removed a cigarette from the pack lighting it up, watching the hot flame flicker in and out. I picked up this habit when I was fifteen. It seemed to be a good stress reliever. I usually just smoke a little weed to calm me, but obviously not in public.

I inhaled the smoke, feeling it coil it's way around my lungs and giving them a loose squeeze. I held it in for a bit before slowly releasing it through my nose.

I watch as it steadily rises into the cool air tauntingly, reminding me of the problems that keep bringing me here.

It soon disappears into a cloud of nothingness. I take a few more drags, each one being held in longer than the last.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

I could gradually feel the nicotine doing its job. My nerves started to loosen up, easing me into a comfortable state of mind. I close my eyes and breathe in the damp, crisp spring air. I tilt my head up with eyes still shut, listening to the birds chirping wildly, fluttering around without a care in the world.

It must be nice not having to think about tomorrow, or the day after that. Always wondering what life will bring.

I come to this brick wall every morning before school to clear my head. I always have too much shit to deal with.