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_______________________________
"How long as it been?
3 days 5 hours 12 minutes 47 seconds
How long does it feel?
2 seconds
.
2 seconds ..
That's how long it took for him to hit the ground, that's how long it took for me to regret all of the words that came out of my mouth, that's how long it took for my soul to leave my body once I heard what had happened to my world, to my rock, to my half.
Jeon Jungkook, I'm sorry for the nasty words that left my mouth that day, I'm sorry for yelling at you, I'm sorry you felt that I'd be better off without you.
Jeon Jungkook, you had a way with words, that brought me up when I felt down, that brought me deeper when we argued. A way with words that could mess with your brain, a way with words that made you do things you didn't wanna do, that made you believe things you didn't before.
But that night .. that night *sniffle* I didn't let you speak, which in return didn't let you convince me of your innocence, and I said things that I didn't mean, specially when I told you to leave. I didn't mean that.
Yes I wanted you gone, but I also wanted you there, I wanted to hug you, I wanted to kiss you, I wanted to feel your warmth. But I didn't.
You were cold, distant, broken, and I tried to help. But it was hard.
You were nice, lovable, caring, but by the end of your days, you weren't. You weren't you.
And that's all I wanted. You to be you.
I wish I had returned your 'I love you' but I was so blinded by anger I couldn't see the hurt in your eyes and for the first time in our relationship I didn't attend to your feelings, and I let you go.
I let you go.
And you didn't come back.
It still feels like at any moment you might walk through the door and all of this will just feel like some twisted fever dream. But we all know that's not how it works. It's not a dream and you won't wake up.
I miss your touch, how your hands always managed to be warm even in cold days, how your head fit perfectly on my shoulder, like you were the last piece of an unfinished puzzle.
Now that essential piece is gone and the puzzle feels incomplete.
What I'm trying to say is.. I wish you were here.
It kind of feels like you are.
But you're not.
But it feels like you are so I'm gonna keep believing that.
Because if I don't I'm gonna loose my own sanity.
And as much as I love you.. I don't wanna end up like you.. a broken, lifeless, shell of a human.
Jeon Jungkook.. I hope you feel better and I hope you finally feel at peace.
It's been 3 days 5 hours 30 minutes and 51 seconds
But it feels like 2 seconds
I wish I could say this to you personally but.. *sigh*
I love you too."
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Someone had asked for a continuation for "Am I Nothing To You" so I decided to make this little "letter" from Tae to Jungkook.
Hope it didn't make you too sad and that you were able to enjoy it
Remember that your mental health is also important and that there are people you can talk to
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