The Day My Future Changed

Chapter Two - Disaster

I woke up with drool running all over my paperwork.

I don't even remember falling asleep.

Why am I so tired? I almost felt like I could pass out again.

"Zoe, may I see you in my office?" My boss, Kathy asked.

"Um, yeah sure."

We walk to her white-walled office. She had a couple picture frames on her desk and some wilted flowers beside her computer monitor.

"Zoe, this is the fourth time this week that you have been sleeping."

"I know, I'm sorry," I apologized, "I don't know why this is happening, but I'm usually not like this."

"I know that you've been stressed and I am worried about you" Kathy observed me, maybe thinking it will help her understand me better, "Have you gone to a doctor?"

"Yes, they said it was just stress, but it seems like they don't know what it is."

"Well, maybe they're right about that, you have been working a lot and this publishing company is not the easiest places to work for."

"I know and I promise I will do better."

"Zoe, there's no easy way to say this, but, I don't think you're ready to work here," Kathy said avoiding eye contact, "I am letting you go."

"What?" I froze, gripping the sleeve of my sweater.

"I was supposed to fire anyone who sleeps in my office, but I've let you get away with it so many times and..."

"But, I love this job, I worked so hard."

"Pushing yourself to this extent is not healthy."

"I have been trying to sleep more."

"Zoe, you are bright and an excellent editor, but I need focused employees."

"But I...I..." I was at a loss for words.

Sure, it looked like I was slacking off, but I had been taking care of myself. I went to bed early for the past three weeks and even skipped classes to stay energized. Unfortunately, my grades have been slipping because of it.

I looked down and observe my chipped fingernails, realizing how little maintenance I have done since I've gotten obsessed with sleep. "Okay, thank you for the opportunity."

"I'm sorry it had to end this way."

I sobbed in bed for what seemed like hours, my mind pounding. I cannot wrap my head around the past month, but ever since Jeremy and I had our anniversary I've been fatigued. It didn't get noticeable until the next couple of weeks when I came to work and would end up in a temporary coma.

My social life has also become a disaster, I would cancel dates with Jeremy and avoid calls from friends.

Buzzz

my phone vibrated and I hesitated to pick it up. I was in no mood to talk to anyone and the last thing I wanted to do was leave the comforts of my bedroom.

"Hello," I grumbled.

"Hey!" I heard the familiar, chipper tone.

"Jeremy, hi," I said trying to sound put together.

"Just wanted to tell you I am outside."

"What, did we have something planned today?" I panicked, I could not believe I forgot again.

I heard Jeremy laughing at the other end. "Don't tell me you forgot, again?"

"Sorry, I'll be down."

I hung up the phone and frantically ran to the door.

I open it to see Jeremy in a fancy black, suit, holding a bouquet of bright pink and orange flowers.

I though maybe today was one of our casual stay in days but I guess I was wrong.

"Um, why are you dressed like that?" I asked.

"I could ask you the same question," he retorted looking me up and down.

I remembered that I was wearing sweatpants and turned away in embarrassment. I massaged my temple.

"Sorry, I've just been out of it recently."

"Zoe, we've been talking about this day for a month now," Jeremy said following me into my apartment.

"I know it's just, I-I... had a rough day and the last thing on my mind was this date."

"I planned this because I want our dates to be more serious, not to mention this night is going to be important," Jeremy said.

"And I'm grateful for your efforts, but right now is not a good time," I said, "Look I-"

"Today is really special, so... maybe, you can get dressed and we could go," Jeremy said gesturing toward my bedroom door.

"Look, Jeremy, I really can't do it today," I said going toward the front door "we can go out tomorrow, okay?"

"Zoe, please, just stick it out I promise you won't be disappointed," He said giving me a soft smile that I always loved, but, wanted to rip apart at the moment.

I was almost in tears. I was in no mood to tell him what happened. He would be disappointed and I don't want to deal with that right now.

"I said not tonight, we can go out tomorrow I promise, but not tonight," I replied a tear made it's way down my cheek and I quickly wiped it so Jeremy wouldn't notice, but he did.

He gave me a sympathetic look and put his hands on mine. "Sweetie, please tell me whats wrong, I love you and-"

"Please, just stop, I said not tonight," I release myself from his grip.

His mouth hung open in surprise and his eyes turned dark.

"What is your problem? You can talk to me, you know that."

"We'll I don't want to, I'll tell you later but at the moment I really don't want to be around anyone."

Jeremy looked like someone slapped him in the face and I instantly regretted my words. "Fine, I was trying to make you feel better after an awful week and worked hard to make this night special, but if you don't care, the I just won't bother to even try," Jeremy left the room and slammed the door.

I was the idiot in that situation, even I couldn't deny it. He forgave me for forgetting the date, the lest I could have done was put on a dress and enjoyed the evening.

Why didn't I? Maybe because I was tired, but maybe not. How was I supposed to get married to the guy when I didn't want to show my embarrassment and failures? I really am the worst aren't I?

Buzzzzz

I noticed my phone and reached for it. "Mom" show up on my phone screen. I was a little relieved. I needed some reassurance at the moment.

"Hey, mom," I said

"Hi sweetie," my mother replied excitedly, "so, what does the ring look like."

"What?"

"You know, the one Jeremy gave you."

"What!?"

"he didn't... ask?"

Was he going to propose?

I felt more tears fall down my cheek.

I messed up.

I hate myself.