Life.

3. I am not ok.

I am not okay. I've tried hard to pretend hard to everyone that I am but I'm just plain sick and tired of it. It's a boring game that no one wins and has fun playing. It's an endless cycle of anxiety, feeling stressed and depressed and just all alone and isolated from the people you know and love. I tend to this thing quite often than I like where the more I care about a person, the more I'll try to push them away when I need them the most. Why? I don't want to feel as though I'm a burden to people. I don't want to feel like an annoyance to people. I don't want to be anything less than happy the majority of the time around these people. I just feel like even if I care so much about someone, it doesn't matter. They will eventually hurt me in the end and we'll just be strangers and pretend not to each other or talk ever again. And that's what scares me almost every single day I know my friends. The very real possibility that one day out of the blue I could be short a friend, a best friend, everyone, because they stopped caring about the friendship or better yet they never cared in the first place. It's just frustrating to me that people can do this. I just continue living my life as though nothing has happened while I live with the thought in my head that I am the one to blame. Even though i should be thinking how my life should be better without this person if they didn't try to stay in my life during hard times.