Fragile Hearts

24: Restraint

A few days later, I knock on Morgan's dorm door in the evening. Something has put her in a funky mood because she frowns at me. Good naturedly, I say, "Close the door and I'll knock again." She continues to frown and I tease, "You're in one of your moods. Let's just close the door and start over. You can pretend to be ecstatic to see me."

I'm not making her laugh. She states, "Aren't you the comedian."

Continuing past her, I wave a brochure in her face.

She asks, "What's that?"

"This, my dear, is the next six months of your life."

"What are you talking about?"

Holding my breath, I show her the brochure with big letters across the top: PARALYPMICS.

Immediately, she starts arguing and finally surprises me when she says, "I'm in a fucking wheelchair!"

I almost smile. I've never heard her cuss before. Patiently, I try to convince her to read the brochure, but she continues to argue and jerks her wheelchair around. I can tell she's about to cry because of the trembling in her voice.

Taking another tactic, I open her fridge and grab a V8. She asks me to leave. Instead, I pop the top on the juice. "Would you like one?" I'm really making her mad. Finally, I say, "Just let me have my say and then I'll leave."

"Do I have a choice?"

That makes me smile. "In this instance—no." Sucking a breath, I begin my spill. "Sometimes, life is unfair."

"Ya, think?"

I continue, "And we're faced with making decisions that will affect the rest of our lives." I kneel in front of her chair. "Because you're my friend, I want to help you make the right decisions when I think that you're not."

I try not to, but I reach to stroke Morgan's hair. Her eyes widen and I can't breathe, but I keep talking. "You're a beautiful woman." I have to clench the fingers of my other hand to keep from kissing her. I have to get my thoughts back on track. "Kaylee told me about your desire before your accident to try out for the Olympics." I move my index finger to caress her neck. "Don't let your dream go. The Paralympics are just as competitive and fulfilling as the Olympics. Don't you understand that life is not about winning or losing, it's about doing?"

I glance sideways because I can't take being so close to Morgan and not tasting her mouth.

Quickly, I stand and ask her to just read the brochure. Just as quickly, I leave.