Scraps of A Mind

Fire

Fires burned in your dreams. A bonfire that consumed whatever lay at its feet, a red mouth forever yawning into the dark sky. There were fires in your dreams and they kept getting bigger.

A first they were only bright enough to make the shadows flicker, smooth and tempting flames. Warmth to keep near your chest, and cupped beneath your hand. You buried your head inside the embers in the hope it would ignite your mind.

Then it was campfire smoke sticking to your coat. Numbness that rose in your fingers because you didn't know how close to stand. Winds shifted the flames constantly, breathing and alive. You turned your eyes towards your friends, rather than heated light.

Nights you fell asleep on the couch it was dragon's breath. Huge, angry, and ragged. People huddled a safe distance away, some threw in more sticks. "Feed it." they said gleefully.

The night the entire forest burned you awoke in a sweat. Sheets tangled around your legs like the roots that tripped you as you ran from the heat. Nothing in the real world burned, so you decided these fires burned in you. Rather than the comfort of something you could put out with water, it was untouchable.

"Creepy." you thought, laying awake and alone.

Friends wave their coffee mugs in idle interest, "Try exercise, I heard that helps with restlessness."

So you did, might as well. You pounded the pavement with your feet, sweating under the heat of the sun (another fire you couldn't put out). You pounded tree trunks with your wrapped fists until they turned purple, but not until they bled.

After that you tried throwing, jumping, even slow melancholy walks. Anything heavy, difficult or ugly. But nothing was as heavy and ugly as the fire in your chest. Stupid fire that got stronger instead of subdued as you got stronger.

They were worried now, friends and family. They saw you run, watched you breathe, told you to come to work, you'll get fired.

"That's the problem, though." you replied, "Too much fire."

Your boss fired you anyway.

The fire no longer tinted the edge of your dreams, it crept into your veins. It poured out your mouth and off your skin, forcing away any thought of blankets. You were warm; uncomfortably, undeniably warm.

Fires burned through you until you stopped resisting them. Until you ran the winter roads in a t-shirt and shorts. Until you drank ice water and took ice baths. You got used to it. Your friends and family forgot about it...

"You know what I think?" the lady who sat next to you on the bench said. You didn't know her. Didn't recognize her bright angry eyes or thin orange sweater.

She whispered, and made you stop worrying, "I think you're a dragon in human skin."

You nodded, watching the dark clouds. A harsh wind whipped up the loose leaves into a frenzy - mini tornadoes.

"What makes you think that?" you asked.

She smiled, more a baring of teeth, "I see it in your eyes."

You stared unblinking at her face, then answered with a content (almost) "Good."