Thoughts

Why

Remember when I first moved in? We where practically best friends. We would watch lion king and mama Mia on the couch. You where so kind and you felt safe... the curtain my parents tried to cover your mess of a life started to rip. Your breath smelled of beer more often and I got more timid. I wish I could have been able to stay blind to that side of you. The fun days got shorter and shorter. What did you do to me ? Why are you in my dreams now? How do you have this hold on me from hundreds of miles away. When we moved my family didn't understand why I was suddenly afraid of men. I guess I blocked it out because I can't figure out what you did ether. My mom always try's to comfort me and then tell me tells me different ways on how it could be made up. Don't they see what you did to me? I can feel it. These sleepless nights you keep taking from me. The dreams are not even dreams. They are terrors. I see men that I should trust do and say horrible things. You scratched up my filter on who to trust. The list of people is so slim. Why did you take away my confidence and give me this darkness. When people see my I try to hide it from them. I talk and socialize until I forget it's there. That's when I become weak. It creeps up and clouds my whole body. My hands are clammy and my senses are off. I hide and try to turn on the light that makes will make it hide. That light can be so dim sometimes.

I wish I never moved in with you....