having a body that does not want to live the same way that other bodies may live, is like a drowning fish.
it is made to swim through the same water it was meant to breathe but instead trips over it gills and chokes on its own false footing.
to say i have a mental illness & still walk around on a broken knee is like walking around with a metal pole through my head and tell people it's just a piece of jewelry.
to say i have a disorder & smile while saying it is the closest thing to recovery i have ever had. & to smile, still clutching my chest while an entire city of winter lives in my lungs is the only warmth i have felt in a long time.
panic attacks are like an ex-love.
they will find you when you are sleeping, when you are in a public square, when you're using public transportation.
or when you're thinking about anything besides your disorder.
my anxiety is like walking down the dark streets of my hometown. street lamps are flickering, cicadas are quiet, & i swear to god someone's needle eyes are pricking at me. & just when i thought i knew every street that i have ever seen since childhood another dead end appears where my home used to be.
where the trampoline used to sit.
the tire swing.
my first-almost-love.
i wish i could wear my trauma more like a hug instead of choking hands. a necklace of construction across my collarbones.
i wish i could wear it more like the gun instead of the bullet wound.
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Fragmentation
شِعرFragmentation// the process or state of breaking or being broken into small or separate parts. ××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××× It's hard for me to complete my poems. And I finally decided to share some of my poetry with strangers. These...
