Fragmentation

Fragment 7.)

(or Things I Will Learn to Love in the Future)

1.
myself.
the dimple i have on only one of my cheeks.
the softness of my belly & how it has never intensionally hurt me. the waves on my sides. the bakery of my body. how she is never too shy to share her rolls.
learn to love this mind & disorder. cope with these choking, strangled hands. my short self & temper. learn to give back to this forgiving body.

2.
others.
but before i learn how to love others i need to unlearn falling in love with strangers.
streets & shops & traffic lead me to believe that others see me as their future lover
or friend
or next victim to their eyes. but that's for another confession.

3.
family.
if not my parents or siblings or grandparents or in-laws then the one i will DIY with Popsicle sticks & washi tape. Make no mistake that i will bring something out of this body & give this Earth something new & gentle. i will learn to love that future.

4.
enemies.
if not for them i would never have learned how to appreciate those i love today. & i'm sorry if i ever hurt you in anyway. i probably meant it but that doesn't mean i won't regret it. i will blossom a flower from a closed fist. & i will give unto you a new found appreciation from a relationship of despise.

5.
those who probably don't think i love them anymore.
him: your everlasting dimples. i ,still, envy the way you always look like you are smiling even when your not. or how your forehead creased. or how many times you would say " i love you." & probably meant it. just know that i don't hate you.

her: how small you are & still hold more fire in your eyes than a bonfire ever could. know that i miss you. how you are still a child at heart & i don't have the courage to soil your innocence with this unholy tongue. i love the way how you tried to hide me under your bed because you didn't want me to go home while your family went out for chinese. just know that i am still homesick.

him: you were the only man i looked up to. you were the only one i felt safe with. we walked through hell together only to step into a fiery desert.  i don't think our bond could be the same again. you probably hate me now. but just know i will learn to love you again.

her: i love you ,now, only because i am obligated. but i hope someday you will make this fight for love worth the battle scars.

6.
this body (again)
i will learn to love these scars,
these stretch marks,
these tired eyes.
learn to appreciate this uneven skin & all of its length. look back into these tired eyes & see not just a body but a person.
i will learn to love this body & all of its stars & constellations.

7.
you.
i would like to tell the future & see what might become of this person. if seeing the future means seeing how our worlds will align then call me Raven.
i will learn to love this person.
i will learn to love this stranger.